I jinxed it.
I had an excellent day at school today. I hung out with my friends Jay, Dawson, and Sam and we had a great time talking and joking around. I went to the park on my way home to meet up with my supplier, Ken, a 25 year old man. He was also my "friend." He greeted me with his usual sleazy "Hey, Pretty boy," and I awkwardly greeted him back. He pecked my cheek and put his arm around my waist, things he never did in sync. I was uncomfortable, but I needed what I needed. He led me into the bathrooms where he gave me my fix. I got my water bottle of rum and my 2 packs of cigarettes and baggie of weed. We went off to our bench and smoked. I drank my rum and got duked quick. I remember him being unusually touchy-feely, he just kept grabbing me kind of everywhere and calling me "hot"
He ended up walking me to his nearby home for some "reason." I remember everything from there. He took me to his bedroom and just kind of attacked me. His hands were everywhere and he was biting my neck. I was nude in a matter of minutes and he proceeded to take my virginity. He knew I wasn't biologically male, I don't know if he cared. I think he just wanted sex with some teenager. He also forced me to suck him off and it was awful and he was really rough. He seemed to think I wanted it. He eventually told me to get dressed and leave, to come back another time like nothing happened. I put my clothes back on and trudged back home.
I'm on birth control to stop periods and such, so I can't be pregnant. But I'm still processing this. What was it?
What was it? Was I raped?
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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BennyWilted
- newbie
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 9:42 pm
- Age: 20
- Awesomeness Quotient: Joji is my dad
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: He/Him
- Sexual identity: Hetrosexual
- Location: Ohio
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 9703
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
- Age: 54
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: they/them
- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: What was it? Was I raped?
This isn't about you "jinxing" anything.
This is about someone who has, absolutely, sexually assaulted you. There's no mystery about what this was: it was an assault, clearly. It's also a fairly common scenario for sexual assault: dealers know how vulnerable and desperate people they sell to can get, so dealers sexually assaulting or otherwise exploiting those people is common.
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you; that this person assaulted you. How would you like me/us to help or support you from here?
This is about someone who has, absolutely, sexually assaulted you. There's no mystery about what this was: it was an assault, clearly. It's also a fairly common scenario for sexual assault: dealers know how vulnerable and desperate people they sell to can get, so dealers sexually assaulting or otherwise exploiting those people is common.
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you; that this person assaulted you. How would you like me/us to help or support you from here?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead