Physical attraction

[Science_Geek]

Hi,
I haven't been on here in a while.

Anyways, I have been trying to work some stuff out and was talking to someone this past week and it confused me a little more.

It's a stupid question but here it goes. How do you know if you are turned on? Is it the same thing as physical attraction? Does it have to be towards someone you know?

Thanks.

[Heather]

When people talk about attraction, they are usually talking about a feeling of being drawn to someone, much in the way magnets are to each other. When people are specifically talking about sexual attraction, then yes, they usually are including feelings of sexual desire or arousal (though many of people may not feel arousal without some kind of mutuality).

That can be with or about someone you already know or someone you don’t.

[Science_Geek]

That makes sense. Thanks

Is there a feeling or signs of this happening?

[Heather]

Think about it like how you feel when you feel hungry and have a particular food craving. I'm oversimplifying, for sure, but it's really pretty similar. Do you know what I mean by that kind of feeling?

[Science_Geek]

I think so. I think I just dont want to accept what is happening to me.

Aren't there tons of types of attraction? Do they all feel this same way?

[Sam W]

There are different flavors of attraction, and attraction or arousal will feel different to each person (and may even vary depending on who is the focus of that attraction). To keep with Heather's hunger metaphor, sometimes it's a general or mild feeling, other times it's strong or specific. Does that make sense?

When you say you don't want to accept what is happening to you, can you tell me a little more about that?

[Science_Geek]

It makes sense, but like most things I think I'm just thinking too much and doubting myself.

I'm still struggling with my sexual orientation. I think I may be attracted to guys and girls. And I feel like maybe that's what is happening. Weird feeling in my stomach and things like that. It feels odd to write it here, out in the open. Other stuff is happening but I can't bring myself to type it.

I know, and am sure that doesn't help. Sorry.

Right now I'm trying to convince myself it's not really what it is and may be it will all just go away and I'll never have to think about it again.

Sorry that's really vague.

[Sam W]

I think I follow what you're saying. One thing to keep in mind is that with feelings, even feelings that are uncomfortable or scary, ignoring them and hoping they'll go away is seldom the best approach. Instead, it's usually helpful to accept that those feelings are in there and then figure out what to do next. For you right now, that may simply mean acknowledging that the feelings are happening and you're still in the process of figuring out what they mean for you. That way, you're not adding extra pressure on yourself to come up with a definite meaning of the feelings, and instead can focus on coming to terms with their existence. Does that help a bit?

[Science_Geek]

Hi, yes that makes sense. I'm just struggling to accept the basic. And honestly I never though any of this would happen. And when it does it feels wrong, but I think maybe I kind of like in a way (not the wrong feeling the other stuff). I just don't want to be wrong on it and want to make sure I understand what is happening.

Sorry I am not very open about this. I'm kind of worried posting it.

[Heather]

You know, we can't ever really be wrong in our feelings. Our feelings just are.

Where we have to be concerned are with our actions. So, in your case, this is relatively simple: if you're not sure if what you feel for someone is sexual desire or attraction, then you can choose not to put those feelings into action in any way unless you feel okay doing that without being sure about those feelings.

You also may have times you don't understand your feelings, what's behind them, or what's going on with you. That's just part of being alive and often being more complicated than our merely mortal brains can sort out.

[Science_Geek]

Thanks.
No putting into action, I don't think.

I think I kind of want to be wrong, but I also kind of want to be right. I'm confused. And stressed.

Stupid brain. Lol

[Heather]

Well, you also likely have what most people have in their brains about any kind of queerness, which are a LOT of internalized messages about it, most of which can tend to create a lot of conflict and stress. If only we were all so smart that we could somehow just ditch all that. Alas, in that respect, all our brains aren't so bright.

[Science_Geek]

Very true.

Thanks