what should i do?

[coppa1623]

im an 18 year old (straight) female and i recently got a job. i have been homeschooled all my life and as a result im terrible at coming out of my shell. boys at my job have noticed that i am really nice, but all they do is ask me if i will help them get pretty girls' numbers for them. i think that's really sad, but i do it for them anyway. i have some issues with self confidence, anxiety, depression, and OCD. i was recently diagnosed with PCOS. i don't ovulate and i don't have a period, it's difficult for me to lose weight but i personally think that when i try my best i can be really pretty, even if i don't wear makeup.

my upbringing/religion prevents me from making the first move on any boys that i find attractive, my mom always told me that if boys were interested in me then they would come to me, but that has never happened to me! everyone i know now isn't a virgin and i feel left out to the max. i mean i watch porn, write and read erotica, and i'm totally open to even hookups but nothing seems to ever work out for me. i am also really apprehensive about dating someone who drinks or does drugs. i am ABSOLUTELY against those two things, but it seems like everyone around me does that? so it seems like i have no options around me.

the only person ive actually met who i know would be the right person for me, we have the same ideals and morals, i only know online. and even then i can't make myself say anything to him or try to date him because he lives 5 states away from me. i don't want to ruin our friendship either. i know this is a lot of info but i really am confused and worried about this. thank you.

[Sam W]

Hi coppa,

Something that might be really helpful to know right now is that none of what you're experiencing is that abnormal, and that where you are in terms of your dating and sexual experience isn't a sign that something is wrong. Plenty of people your age haven't been sexually active yet, or haven't had much (or any) chance to date. It may also help to remember that, while it may feel like everyone around you has been sexual or uses substances, there are definitely people for whom that isn't the case.

Looking at all the parts of your life you described, if you had to choose one element at a time to address, which part would you choose first? Would it be working on your self-confidence? Finding ways to meet potential dates? Something else?

Too, since you mention some mental health stuff, are you currently getting support for your OCD or depression?

[coppa1623]

my upbringing also means that my parents don't believe in mental disabilities, so no. i would like to work on my self confidence first, and then maybe finding dates. and also, about my internet friend, im not sure how to deal with my feelings for him either.

[Sam W]

Okay, that gives us a few places to start. With the self-confidence issues, do they tend to center around a specific area (like your body) or do they feel more general?

With your online friend, is this someone you're actively experiencing romantic feelings for, or is it more that you feel he matches your ideals and morals and therefore you should be attracted to him? And if your feelings are romantic, would you prefer to see if they subside (which happens with crushes) or tell him and see what happens?

Given that you're 18, you have the right to seek out mental health services without needing your parent's approval. Are those services something you're interested in connecting to?

[coppa1623]

they are very in general. i have a lot of anxiety and often find that i lose my voice when trying to get someone's attention for any reason. i don't like my body much either and ive been dieting for well over three months now but it's not really seeming to help.

and for him it's both. i feel romantic feelings for him and i like that we have so much in common. i really want to tell him but i get really anxious about it and i can never seem to get my words out the way i want to, and end up avoiding it and not talking to him for a few days.

and, i would rather listen to my parents, so i don't want to.

[Sam W]

Got it. With the body stuff, a helpful starting place might be to read some of the pieces in our body image tag that look relevant to you: http://www.scarleteen.com/tags/body_image Given that you've been trying to diet (something that, in all honesty, isn't recommended for young people especially if they're not doing it with the help of a healthcare professional), I suggest taking a look at this piece: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... eteen_doit . Any thoughts on it? Things you think you could try?

With your friend, what if you wrote out what you wanted to say ahead of time? That way, you'd have it in front of you to reference in case your nerves kick up. It may also help to think about what you will do, and how you will take care of yourself, if it turns out he doesn't share your feelings (I'm also assuming here that you two are about the same age, but please correct me if that's wrong).

It makes sense that your instinct would be to follow your parent's example with mental health care, but it does sound like some elements of it, particularly your anxiety, are already influencing your life in negative ways. If you're not comfortable seeking out professional help, what about at least taking a look at some resources that give you tools to help yourself and address your anxiety when it pops up?

[coppa1623]

I read up on some of the topics you sent,and I saw a few things that I liked. my diet is as helpful as it can be while avoiding the things I am allergic to, and the difficulty in losing weight is my only real complaint about it. it's really hard to be positive about myself but i will just try that,and maybe eventually ill evolve into the person I want to be.

yes, he is a few weeks older than me. i think it's a good idea to write out things beforehand! because in the moment everything does sound super wrong. thank you! and I can think about ways to prepare myself for the sad case scenario. (even though I would be sad to hear it)

I know it hits negatively, I will try to find helpful resources!!!

[Ana601]

Me and my bf had sex for the first time I’m 17 I was a virgin and me and him had sex and I was bleeding for the first time and then we tried it again and I started bleeding again for the second time is that normal ? And after sex it burned when I peed also is that normal ?

[Heather]

Ana601: You've posted your question in someone else's thread. Can you go ahead and start your own topic? I'd be happy to help you with these issues once you do.