Need Help?

[Ana601]

Me & my bf had sex for the first time and I was a virgin and I was bleeding and me and him tried it again for the second time and I started bleeding again. Is that normal or not?

[Heather]

Bleeding isn't something that has to happen with intercourse a first or any other time. And ideally, it shouldn't.

If it did, it was probably because:
a) you weren't using any or enough lubricant,
b) you were not turned on enough before you got started with intercourse (usually people get all the way there not just by feeling desire, but by other sexual activities they enjoy) and/or were tense and nervous,
c) he was or both of you were too aggressive or hasty,
d) you didn't communicate well, like by telling him to stop if anything felt uncomfortable,
e) or more than one or all of the above.

Any of those things sound like they could have been factors here?

[Ana601]

Yeah and then it hurted me to pee also.
It was the first two times I tried to have sex and it always fails because I start bleeding

[Ana601]

I was nervous the first time when I was doing it but the second time I wasn’t. What is some stuff you suggest?

[Heather]

It depends. Which of the things in that list applied to you?

[Ana601]

It did hurt but I was not thinking it was going to hurt the way it did. I was a little turned on but not too much

[Heather]

Anything else on that list? Were you also using plenty of lube? And when it hirt, did you tell him, and did he stop so you two could try it some different ways that felt good instead of hurting?

Also, still having any pain or discomfort when urinating?

[Ana601]

After a while when I told him it hurted a lot we stopped but then I was bleeding, he had a condom also so i seen a blood on it. It still kinda hurts when I pee.

[Heather]

Okay, so first up, it sounds like you probably have a urinary tract infection (UTI). If you have access to healthcare of any kind, I’d suggest you use it to get seen. They are easy to treat (usually just a round on a mild antibiotic), but if left untreated, can spread to your bladder or kidneys and get very dangerous.

Still not getting complete answers from you, but it’s sounding like probably ALL the thibgs on that list have been issues. So, what you can do for each of them is:


a) Be sure to start with using plenty of lubricant, adding more as/if needed
b) Get more turned on before starting intercourse, both by doing things that help you chill out, then by taking part in other sexual activities you find exciting and enjoy that are not intercourse. That can include activities to “warm up” your genitals like rubbing your external clitoris or oral sex on your vulva, for example.
c) Take your time and tell your partner to, as well.
d) Tell your partner when something hurts or doesn’t feel good, then work together to tty different things - like more lube, a different position, being more gentle, taking a break for a different kind of sexual activity, etc.

How’s all that sound? Doable?

[Ana601]

That sounds good. Yeah it’s my second time trying it with him and I was a virgin before I lost it to him. Everything you said was correct.

[Ana601]

Probably it is UTI Because every time I pee it hurts/burns. But it’s not normal to bleed the first two times I have sex.

[Siân]

Are you able to see a healthcare provider about your probable UTI? If possible, that's probably your first step. Also, usually it's best to take a break from sexual activity while you're waiting for it to clear up.

As Heather mentioned above, bleeding is not something that always has to happen the first time or any time, and there are lots of things you can do to help. What steps are you going to take to make sure that if and when you have intercourse it's something enjoyable rather than painful for you?

This article has a bit more detail on the things Heather was describing: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse. What are you going to start with?