weird anxiety

[avaiara]

is it weird of me to be anxious of the boy i like to become interested in someone else?
i just got out of a breakup, i think i like him and i’m not ready for a new relationship quite yet, but i’m nervous of him possibly liking another and forgetting about me.
he’s been helping me through this and he has been pretty flirty. but we have someone new starting at our job and i’m afraid that if it’s a girl our age, he’ll tirn to her.
is this weird?

[Siân]

Hi avaiara!

I don't think it's weird, I think a lot of us feel different kinds of nerves mixed in with other things with people we're interested in. Let's look at this a bit more closely though.

When you say you're just out of a breakup, I'm guessing from your other thread that you mean in the last day or so? It's great that there's someone that you like, but I think you're making a very wise point when you say you're not ready for a new relationship just yet. Often when we come out of a relationship, especially a long one we need some time to process and get back in touch with ourselves a little. Are there things you're excited to put more time/energy into right now just for you? Of course, that doesn't mean you should avoid this person you're interested in!

With the being worried that he'll turn his attention elsewhere if you don't act soon I guess my question is do you want someone who is with you because they really like and want to be with YOU in particular, or who is with you because you happen to be the only person who is there and available?

[avaiara]

Hi avaiara!

I don't think it's weird, I think a lot of us feel different kinds of nerves mixed in with other things with people we're interested in. Let's look at this a bit more closely though.

When you say you're just out of a breakup, I'm guessing from your other thread that you mean in the last day or so? It's great that there's someone that you like, but I think you're making a very wise point when you say you're not ready for a new relationship just yet. Often when we come out of a relationship, especially a long one we need some time to process and get back in touch with ourselves a little. Are there things you're excited to put more time/energy into right now just for you? Of course, that doesn't mean you should avoid this person you're interested in!

With the being worried that he'll turn his attention elsewhere if you don't act soon I guess my question is do you want someone who is with you because they really like and want to be with YOU in particular, or who is with you because you happen to be the only person who is there and available?

Definitely! I’m excited to work on resolving some issues that I developed during this relationship.
To answer your question, I’d like to think that I’d want to be with someone who wants to be with me, but I do like this boy a lot.
He’s flirted with me in the past, but I do know he’s interested in finding a relationship as well. I just don’t want to think about him turning his time and attention elsewhere, you know?

[Sam W]

Okay! As Siân said , a helpful thing to do after coming out a relationship is devote some time to nurturing your relationship with yourself. That could mean taking time to do things you enjoy, or putting energy into hobbies or activities that kind of fell to the side when you were in the relationship. Any thoughts on what those activities might be for you ( these two articles can help you out if you feel stuck: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking http://www.scarleteen.com/article/etc/i ... easure_101 )? Too, are there friendships that you maybe didn't have as much time for when you were in a relationship that you can devote some more time to now?

With your friend, something that might help is to remember that when a friend starts dating someone new they do often focus a lot on that relationship, but they don't usually disregard their friends completely. It also sounds like you're borrowing trouble on this right now, since there isn't another person he seems to be interested in. So, it might help to focus on what's going on now rather than on what might happen if the new person at work is someone he's attracted to, you know? When you say you don't want him turning his attention to someone else, is it his general attention you're thinking of, or specifically his "flirty" attention?