Vaginal penetration

[gtk]

I've been kinda experimenting with masturbation for a while now, but only recently started adding vaginal penetration (just with my fingers) to the mix.

I started with one finger and could get it quite far in (I have short fingers anyway but I could basically get my whole finger in), but once I tried adding a second finger, it felt like after a certain point it wasn't wide enough for two fingers - I couldn't get as deep with two fingers as I could with one, and it felt like somewhere further in from the vaginal opening, it got narrower and more difficult to get two fingers through (not impossible, but a bit uncomfortable).

(When I tried this I was quite wet with natural lubricant, so that wasn't an issue.)

Is this normal? Is that my fingers reaching the 'hymen' (which I know isn't really a thing)?

In case it's related, a couple of years ago I tried using a menstrual cup, but I had trouble getting it in, so I had to stick with pads. I've never used tampons or had sex so that was my first attempt at penetration.

Hope this makes sense! Sorry it's kinda long.

[Heather]

Well, the hymen or corona is real, it's just not something likely to be at issue here. The hymen or corona, in whatever state that's in, is *just* inside the vaginal opening, and the only way it can really get in the way, when it does, is with entry into the vagina vertically. It won't likely impact how wide of a thing feels good to someone in their vagina.

Personally, I hate the term "penetration." A lot of that is just plain old pet peeve (and so not a slam on you), but some is because it's just so inaccurate. The vagina isn't passive, after all: it's a muscular tube surrounded by other muscles, and it can squeeze things (as you know!), pull in, resist, the works. I think it helps to remember that when trying to learn how it works for you and what feels good for you. If you think about it as being "penetrated" rather than about it as actively making room for things, and pulling in what feels good -- and pushing back when it doesn't! -- this all might be tougher to understand.

You don't say if pushing one finger in feels good or not, only that you can. Does it feel good, or is it just meh, or does it hurt in any way? I ask because if it doesn't feel good, it's not surprising that one more feels even less good or is something your vagina just isn't having: when something in the vagina doesn't feel good, it and the muscles (and other its) around it tend to actively resist by not making more room or flexibility for more.

[gtk]

Hi Heather, thanks for your reply - it was really helpful at the time.

I'm revisiting this post because I had my first sexual encounter a few days ago - my partner fingered me - and although I had a great time and didn't experience any discomfort or pain at all, I ended up bleeding quite a lot. (My partner did say so at the time, but I misheard him, so we kept going and it wasn't until we stopped that I saw the blood - I didn't even feel like I was bleeding.)

The bleeding stopped soon afterwards, briefly returned 2 days later, and has since stopped.

What could be the cause of this? Should I be worried?

[Heather]

When you were doing this, were you using plenty of lubricant? And was your partner either wearing latex gloves, or had he at least carefully manicured his hands? If either of those things wasn't the case, that bleeding was probably due to abrasion: that can happen really easily when there isn't enough lube, or due to someone's hangnail or even callouses.

[gtk]

Neither of those things was the case, which probably explains it - we didn't use lube or gloves, and I'm not sure how well-manicured his hands were at the time. (He doesn't have calluses but I guess hangnails etc may have been a possibility.) Is it strange that I didn't feel any discomfort though?

[Heather]

Not really, especially if you were really turned on. The neurochemicals involved in pleasure (and some changes to your anatomy from being turned on) can make it so things that might be painful are less so, or aren't at all. Too, the back 2/3rds of the vagina doesn't have a lot of sensory nerve endings, so if you get scraped there, it's easy not to feel it.

Next time: lube, for starters! Oh my goodness, lube for any kind of sex with friction, no matter what kind of body it is. Lube makes things feel better AND helps protect from abrasions. But yep, asking a partner to manicure their fingers well if they're going to use them inside your body -- or wear a glove -- is a totally reasonable request if someone isn't already on top of that.

[gtk]

That makes sense! It was kind of an impromptu thing which is why we didn't have any supplies, but I'll make sure to have them on hand in the future.

Thanks so much!

[Heather]

My pleasure.

One thing that can actually be fun to do *with* a partner is to get supplies you need for sex and/or safer sex together, and talk about what you need. Doing that together can create some great inroads for more communication, plus, it's usually fun and at least a little exciting (because you're getting things for kinds of sex you're both interested in or already know you like!).

Anything else I can help you with right now?

[gtk]

Good point! I'm good for now - thank you so much!

[Heather]

You're welcome. My best to you.