in re: dating/ flirting guides and resources

[gnarlynyc]

Hey everybody. I am a new to these forums and rather green on dating in general. I identify as a mostly cisgender male gynephile (which is a fancy way of saying I am a guy who likes the ladies). In the past two decades since my teen years, I have hooked up with very few strangers from Myspace and had a few flings with a few childhood friends.

And thus even though I am somewhat over the age of 30, I am very awkward on interpersonal relationships with women. Are there any good sex positive, feminist, general dating resources, whether they be online or in print that focuses on subjects such as: social cues, body language, flirting, online personal messaging, the male gaze, male privilege, and propositioning, written by a woman for men? I have observed that most of the books, blogs, and websites geared towards males are written by misogynistic "pick up artists" who do not necessarily practice consent.

They materials I seek could be for either adults or teens since I am rather not very familiar with the subject (that and I read somewhere that there may be great teen resources on dating and relationships that are applicable for any age group).

Thank you folks in advance.

[Mo]

Hi gnarly,

While you're a little bit outside of our target age group here, I don't think advice I'd give about dating changes that much from one age to another. Honestly, I think most dating guides are going to fall short because they set up rules about what certain words or actions "mean" or provide strategies to "get" a sexual or dating partner, and anything that operates by that rule forgets that women are just people, and as such are all individuals with different ways to flirt and opinions about what kind of relationship they want and how they like to be approached (if they even want to be approached at all).

If you haven't seen the Captain Awkward site, I think her Dating Guide for Geeks tag is a good place to start. There's some good basic advice here and here. Note that the tone of these letters is a bit different from your post so some of what she says may not apply to you, but the general tips she provides are the helpful part here.

Also, browsing the articles and advice in our relationships section will turn up some helpful information as well.

Ultimately I think it's helpful to focus on living your life in a way that allows you to meet and make connections with interesting people - if relationships grow out of those connections it's great, and if not then you're still enriching your life with a lot of cool acquaintances. There's no secret to getting dates with people; it's a lot of trial and error but treating people as individual people and not turning to PUA tips etc. will help.

[gnarlynyc]

Thank you very much, Mo. This reads are helpful.

[Mo]

Happy to help! Best of luck.