Statistic Freakout

[Music]

A year ago I started reading articles in this site in an effort to self educate. The process has been good for my general outlook on sex, and the beginnings of my own sexual confidence.
However, today one of the articles I can across had a number that I can't seem to stop obssesing over.

...However, most people in their lifetimes, and over 90% once they're 22, will have genital sex with partners...

90% by age 22, I'm pushing 30 and haven't even been kissed.
I know there are factors involved; dating wasn't on my radar until college, I don't feel strong enough in myself to even attempt dating at this time, there's a chance I might be on the ace spectrum, but I can't help the thoughts resounding in my head that I'm broken.
I know everyone matures differently, I know that people have different preferences, I know these things logically. I just dont know how not to get hung up on the ratio of my age and my romantic/sexual experience.

[Siân]

Hey Music,

It sounds like you're struggling with some hard feelings around this right now, I'm sorry.

I think there are two things here that are worth bearing in mind. The first is that numbers are just that, numbers. Sometimes statistics are really useful - like when you are making decisions about your health and want to know what the most effective contraceptive is - and sometimes they don't really tell us much at all - like when we're making decisions about what's right for us in our lives. Like, if 90% of people say blue is their favourite colour it doesn't mean that it is or should be your favourite colour too - does that make sense? In these cases, numbers aren't rules for us to adhere to, they're just information about what some people choose to do. It doesn't even tell us anything about how people felt about those choices. What do you think?

The second thing I want to say is that by the sounds of it you already know there is nothing wrong with you, and if you don't feel like dating is the right thing for you just now that's really insightful, so why would you ignore that because of a few numbers? Don't get me wrong, I know how hard it is not to compare ourselves to others sometimes, especially when it feels like a big group of people sees things in a different way to us, but it's ok to trust yourself and do what's right for YOU.