Does this guy like me or not?

[trippyaff]

I recently just ended things with a former guy I was talking to, and I am now talking to a new guy. Him and I have been talking for about a week or so, and he keeps calling me cute and he compliments me a lot and he overall thinks that I am attractive. But I am skeptical, and I don't know why I am. I mean clearly he likes me right? I don't know though. And last night we facetimed and we were talking and he was complimenting me and, I wear glasses, and he said I had that "sexy librarian look" haha. We text and snapchat all the time, and whenever I take a picture of something that is not my face he tells me to show my whole face because he likes looking at me. On facetime last night, I wasn't showing my whole face not because I didn't want to, I Don't even remember why I wasn't and he told me to show my whole face again, and I asked why and he said "you know why". And today he said that I should FaceTime him again sometime but is tonight too soon? I don't know how to feel about this. I mean I like him but for some reason I am very skeptical. Maybe it's because the guy I was talking to previously was just using me for sex? I don't know what to do, please help me haha.
Thank you!

[Mo]

Ultimately, the only person who can tell you how this guy feels about you is the guy himself! If you feel like you're not certain how he's feeling or what he wants, it's ok to ask him.
One thing I want to mention, though, is that no matter how he feels about you, or how much he likes your face, it's ok for you to not show your face if you do not want to. You get to make that decision based on how you're feeling! When he's asked you to do that, have you told him you don't want to? How does he respond when you do that?

[trippyaff]

I just say that I don't like the way I look because I genuinely don't think that I am attractive, and he says that he disagrees. And last night we were texting and things sort of got sexual and he was saying that he thinks about having sex with me all the time, but he said that he would never pressure me into doing anything romantic/sexual with him, he just wants to get to know me. He said that if I wanted to send him pictures then he'd be down, but he said that he wouldnt ever pressure me into doing that if I don't want to, which I think is nice. Because the last guy I was talking to always pressured me to do that. This guy seems really nice and he likes me and told me that he likes me a lot, like last night he literally confessed that im the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. I like him too, but I don't know if im looking for a relationship right now. We were texting yesterday and he was saying that he would like to do all this stuff to me and I like the attention but im not used to it. We like each other but I don't know what to do.

[Heather]

Sounds like this guy is sure amping things up AWFULLY fast, which in and of itself can be a kind of pressure. How do you feel about that?

[trippyaff]

I feel conflicted about it to be honest. I do feel pressured to have sex with him, even though that's what I want. We've hung out a few times this past week and a half, but we made it clear that neither of us are looking for a relationship, but maybe just be sexual partners? That is kind of what I want, but he is going kind of fast, and he told me to let him know if I thought we were going too fast. I haven't yet though, even though I should. I mean if he told me to let him know, he should be understanding if I expressed my feelings right? I just don't want to be taken advantage of again, which is why I'm sort of keeping my guard up. He did make it very clear that he likes me, and that he thinks about me in a sexual way, and too be honest I think the same of him. I just wasn't as expressive about it because I didn't want to drive him away. Even though he is doing the same thing that I didn't want to do. It's not driving me away though, it just makes me feel conflicted.
Also not to bring anything else up but the other night me and this guy im talking to were FaceTiming and my ex, or I guess the previous guy I was with, texted me and asked me "where have I been." I didn't answer because I've moved on at this point but then he texted me again being like why aren't you answering and I said "because I thought you didn't like me anymore". And then he said "what made you think that" and I explained to him that he literally stopped talking to me after weeks of hanging out and having sex a few times, so what else was I supposed to think? and then he said "do you still like me" and I said to be completely honest no I don't and then he was asking why I didn't just ask him why he hadn't talked to me and I said its because every time I texted or called him he ignored me. Then he said that he actually still did like me and I told him that I had moved on and Im talking to someone else. He got really mad even though he had no reason to be mad and he wanted me to keep talking to him and to hang out with him again and I said I didn't want to do that to the guy Im talking to and hurt his feelings and then he said "Hurt his feelings not mine I was here first you and I have way more history than you and this guy" and I called him out because he was acting really immature and got even more mad. He really had no reason to be mad he's the one that stopped talking to me, and keeps asking if I still want to talk to him and I keep saying no because im talking to someone else, its like he doesn't get it??? literally all of this just happened all at once and Im feeling really overwhelmed by people.

[Siân]

Wow, that all sounds like quite a lot at once - how are you feeling?

With your ex, all that judgement he's piling on you - combined with the way he treated you by making you feel pressured to have sex and ignoring you - it sounds like he's showing himself to be someone who isn't healthy for you to be with. Also, for the record "I was here first" is not a reason to be with someone! Where do you want to go from here with him? It sounds to me like it might be time to set some boundaries/pull back from contact like texting etc. What do you think?

When it comes to this new guy, it sounds like you're wanting to speak up and ask to slow down. From what you're saying, that sounds like a good instinct. Asking to slow down does 2 things: 1) it gives you room to move at your own pace, which is really important for feeling truly comfortable and ready for everything we do and 2) it gives our partner the opportunity to show that they can respect our limits and our pace, which are pretty fundamental when it comes to healthy relationships - including casual ones. You're right, he should be understanding if you express your feelings and if he's not then ask yourself if that's someone you really want to get involved with. Does that sound good to you?

This article has some ideas on having these conversations: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner. You might also be interested in this one on slowing down: Yield for Pleasure. Does anything jump out to you when you read them?