Getting Kinky

[qw3rtycuti3]

I am pretty new to my current relationship, and although we've already had sex (and he was my first) I want to try a lot of things. However, we both took the BDSM test, and while I scored very, very kinky, he scored 98% vanilla. How can I ask him to try new things without putting him off or scaring him off?

[bikinksterboy]

The BDSMTest is not the end all be all of kink, and it can subjectively be more or less useful for different people; it's more of a general indicator of what a person is probably into. If he's willing to take the test, I'm sure he's open at least to the idea of some kinky things, just try not to overwhelm him with too much at once, build it up as better than "vanilla" sex or otherwise pressure him, just say like "hey, maybe we could try out this one thing?" or "would you be open to exploring X?",try not to make it a leading question. he shouldn't feel like a "yes" is expected of him

[Mo]

I think BiKinksterBoy has some good thoughts above! Honestly, I think it's fine to approach this like you'd approach other kinds of sex you're interested in. There's not going to be a way to control how your partner reacts, but I think suggesting something you'd like to try in a way that isn't putting a lot of pressure on him to say yes, and maybe approaching with just one or two new things at a time vs. presenting him with a big list that might feel overwhelming, is a good way to go.

Also, it might help to give some extra detail about what you're interested in; if he doesn't have any active fantasies about a certain activity it might be hard for him to really envision what you're looking for, which might make it harder for him to know if he's interested or not. Saying something like "I'm interested in bondage" could mean he either gets an inaccurate picture of what you want or has no real idea at all, but saying "I want to try having my arms restrained during sex" (or whatever sounds appealing to you) could make it easier for him to decide if he's interested or not.

Of course, you might not know exactly what you're interested in, and that's ok too! But I think presenting a few options that sound promising might be easier, especially at first. If you keep it low-pressure, both when asking and when trying things out, and check in with him afterwards, hopefully you can find ways to explore different kinds of sex in a way that feels good to you both.