friend is in an online relationship that seems dodgy

[kapena]

So my best friend has an online relationship with some guy who lives two states away from us. They're already saying 'I love you' and I personally think that it's too much. I myself have never been in a romantic relationship so I don't know what to say when she asks me for advice and stuff. I've told her that she should tell her older sister since she has experience in dating and is getting married soon but she worries that she'll get in trouble. She recently told me that he said he'd kill himself if he didn't have her and I WANTED to tell her that she should end it, but I don't want to offend her or upset her because she's known him for a long time.

[Sam W]

Hi Kapena,

It sounds like you've noticed some red flags and are trying to help out your friend, which is awesome of you. Saying "I love you" isn't necessarily a sign of something being off (although there are times when it can be) but the comment about how he'd kill himself without her is definitely a red flag.

Your instinct to avoid pushing her away by being super critical of him is a sound one (especially if there is something dodgy going on), but that doesn't mean you can't raise some of your concerns with her. Since it's sounds like she's still asking for advice, would you feel comfortable bringing up some of the things you've noticed the next time she asks you for advice about the relationship? We could also talk about ways to note that something this guy does is kind of messed up in the moment she tells you about it, if that would be helpful.

Did she happen to mention why she thinks she'd get in trouble if she talked to her sister about this relationship?