Masturbation and Fingering

[askmeblaire]

So I’m 18 and I’ve masturbated for a few years. When I first started, fingering myself didn’t do anything for me so I frequently used a makeup brush. When I got fingered by someone else for the first time, everything was good. I continued to masturbate after that and about 4 months after getting fingered, one day I masturbated and there was blood on the brush handle. It scared me so I waited a few days then tried again and the same thing happened. Ever since that one time I started bleeding, I bleed every time.
Last night I was fingered and I went to the bathroom right after and there was blood in my underwear and I continued to spot the rest of the night. I told him that I bled and he thought it was him “popping my cherry”. I just let him go with it, but I don’t think that’s the case since it’s happened so many times. I’m really worried that this will happen every time and even when I finally have sex. I’m also worried that something is wrong with me. I don’t want to tell my mom because I don’t feel comfortable enough with her to tell her that I masturbate or get fingered.

[Heather]

Hey there, askmeblaire.

There's actually no such thing as "popping the cherry." That's slang for someone just doing something for a first time, mostly based on myths about anatomy. Even if and when someone is having something inserted into their vagina for a first (or any) time, bleeding isn't something that should be happening if that person is relaxed, lubricated enough and/or what's being inserted is safe.

Which leads me to a couple questions:
1) Have you been using a lubricant -- and plenty of it -- with their hairbrush or with the activity last night?
2) Have you been covering the hairbrush handle with something to make using that safe, like a condom?
3) Once you started having the pattern of bleeding with that brush, did you stop using it or have you still kept using it?

[askmeblaire]

Thank you so much for getting back to me so quickly!
I have never used lubricant, I’ve never really needed to. The brush and another person’s fingers usually go in pretty easily.
No I didn’t cover the brush
And yes I kept using the same brush. I would wash it of course. I kept using it mainly for the purpose to see if I would keep bleeding or if it was a one time thing. I haven’t used it in about 5 days, but even when I was fingered last night I still bled. Is there any way to stop that from happening or any explaination as to why it’s happening?

[Sam W]

Thanks for clarifying! So, first things first, whenever you masturbate with an object (like a hairbrush) you'll want to cover it with a condom for safety reasons. Too, if you're noticing using a particular object to masturbate often causes bleeding, you may want to put that object aside for awhile, or permanently, because it might not be the best choice for safe, pleasant masturbation. You can read more about why suggest those precautions in this article: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition

Since you haven't been using lube, that would be the first thing you could try to see if it helps stop the bleeding from happening. Even for people whose bodies produce a good amount of "natural" lubrication, adding more lube helps decrease the chances of pain or bleeding because it reduces the amount of friction, which reduces the risk of things like tearing. This article does a good job outlining the ways in which lube is beneficial during sex or masturbation: Lube 101: A Slick Little primer

When it's a partner fingering you, are they wearing gloves and/or are their fingernails pretty short? And with both fingering and masturbation, are you relaxed when it's happening, and are you mentally aroused as well as physically aroused?

[askmeblaire]

His nails are short but he does not wear a glove. And yes I’m always mentally & physically aroused. There’s nothing different from the times that I was fingered or masterbated now and before I started bleeding, except for the obvious fact that now I’m bleeding every time.

[Siân]

Hi askmeblaire,

If you keep finding that you're bleeding even a with a good level or arousal and lubrication, then I'd suggest checking in with your healthcare provider and seeing what they say. Is that something you have access to?

[askmeblaire]

I go to the doctor of course but even though I’m 18 I still live in the house. I’m not comfortable with admitting to my mom that I masturbate or have gotten fingered so I’m not sure how I could go to a doctor without her knowing. Wouldn’t a gynecologist be the best place to go? I went there in like 6th grade for a yeast infection but haven’t been since and I don’t know whether they still have all the right insurance info and all of that. I’m really worried something is wrong with me and I don’t know what to do!

[Mo]

I don't think you have to tell your mom anything about your sexual history to make an appointment. You could even say you're worried you might have another yeast infection, if you like, or something a bit vaguer that implies it; those can happen to anyone, sexually active or not.
A gynecologist could help here, but your general physician should be able to check you out too, so if you don't have up to date info with the gyno then your normal doctor should be fine.

[askmeblaire]

Okay good idea thank you! One more thing, I’m looking up things online and I’m really scaring myself. I’m seeing abnormal bleeding as a sign of cervical cancer. I know that’s extreme but what are the odds that I have that or something serious like that??

[Mo]

There's just no way we can know that at all; it takes a doctor to make that kind of assessment. This is why we definitely recommend that people not spend time searching for medical information online, in most cases - it's really easy to find worst-case-scenario results when it's far, far more likely that you do not have a serious problem like cervical cancer. Take a deep breath and step back from the internet for a bit if you need to!