My Sexuality And If I Should Tell My Idiot Father

[solareclipse94]

Can I also ask if you have been able to talk as a family -- with both parents, ideally -- about these changes to your family structure and how they can happen in ways you can handle?

In other words, I hear that you feel uncomfortable when your father and his girlfriend express affection towards each other, but that's a pretty normal way for people who are together to interact. However, it might be that you need some help adjusting to that reality, and other changes like this, whether that's having more private space in the place, like Robin suggested, or something like a counselor just for you to help you in this.

(Just a quick ask, btw, which is to try not to use words like "idiot," which are actually ableist, though I'm sure that's not anything you intended. Thank you!)

I do have a therapist and I also have talked to both my parents about it. My mom said that she isn't going to be his taxi cab for my sister and I. She also said that she won't force us to go to his apartment when we don't feel like going.

[Heather]

It sounds a little like the way at least one of your parents is talking to you involves their (your parents) conflicts bleeding over unto you, like complaining about transportation disputes. I'm sorry about that. Even when it seems normal, it can be pretty stressful to have that kind of runoff happening.

[solareclipse94]

This whole thing started last April.

[Heather]

I'm not sure how to respond to that (or what 'this whole thing" is). Do you want to say more?

[solareclipse94]

The divorce. He left my sister, my mother, and myself. he went to Wisconsin. and left use behind. He is also blaming my deceased grandmother. He says that the whole thing is harder on him than it is on my mother. when my grandmother who passed away, was her (my mom's) mother.

[Heather]

Ooof. So, sounds like you have two parents doing some oversharing here, and like you're in the wake of some seriously major, sudden and rough changes. I'm so sorry, solareclipse. This sounds really confusing and painful.

[solareclipse94]

Ooof. So, sounds like you have two parents doing some oversharing here, and like you're in the wake of some seriously major, sudden and rough changes. I'm so sorry, solareclipse. This sounds really confusing and painful.

it is

[Heather]

Is there anything else we can do to help support you besides just talking like we have been?

[solareclipse94]

I don't know. I just want my dad to stop being irritating.

[Heather]

Well, from the sounds of things, that sounds pretty unlikely any time soon. It seems pretty likely that you're going to feel very irritated by this kind of behaviour (which is hardly surprising), and like whatever is going on with him and these changes in your family, they probably won't settle down any time soon.

That given, what you can potentially do is a) figure out if there are ways to let it get to you less, b) figure out if there is anything you can ask for that might help you out and is reasonable to ask (I'd suggest asking both your parents for some better boundaries with some of this, as a start) and c) figure out how you can best manage those feelings of irritation, and other hard feelings.

[solareclipse94]

Thanks. I will do that.