My anger issues are affecting my relationship

[imsogay]

so my gf and i have been dating for over a year. recently, my anger issues have become really bad, and i often get angry over small things, and it is affecting our relationship, since my mood affects her mood. for example, if im angry then ofc i start acting not so great, and talking with attitude,etc, then obvi it will affect my gfs mood. tonight, we had a talk about how she thnks we wouldnt last long since my temper is horrible, and because she is stubborn. How can i fix this, and control my anger?

[Heather]

It's great you have self-awareness about this and are looking to learn to manage it. There are a lot of things being unable to manage feelings of anger can create big problems with, including your own well-being, all by itself.

Anger management is most often accomplished with the help of a counselor or therapist. Is that something you think you might have access to?

[imsogay]

well i can talk to my school counselor but i dont really want to do that

[Alice O]

Would you be interested in seeing a counselor outside of school? If so, is that someone you would like help finding?

[imsogay]

im not really comfortable talking to counselors, its more like im looking for any good tips that you know of, for calming yourself down

[Heather]

Okay.

That given, what I would suggest you look into are mindfulness and meditation approaches. These are kinds of self-help people can do for themselves, and are often really helpful practices with managing anger, as well as in general.

Are you more an app person, a book person, or both? I can make suggestions for both or either that can help you learn how to calm yourself in these ways.

[imsogay]

im more of an app person

[Heather]

Got it! So, the good news is there are some really good apps out to help you learn how to meditate/do mindfulness practice and that can help guide you in those practices and habits every day.

This one is one of my favorites, and I also think it might be a particularly good fit for you: https://www.stopbreathethink.com/ One way to get started using it could be to try and get in the habit of using it when you start to feel the very beginning of any anger rolling up. In time, what that could turn into is you having the habit of focusing on this to calm yourself so anger doesn't get to the place where you're erupting externally/interpersonally.

Another really good one is Headspace: https://www.headspace.com/ Two more are Calm and Smiling Mind. But I have really good feelings about you and that first one. Download one or two and give them a whirl?

[imsogay]

thank you so much for the help, ill definitely take a look into it and try them!

[Heather]

My pleasure. And again, for-real props for you. I feel like people usually only wind up asking for anger management help when they have done real harm to someone or when someone else is making them do it. Seeking it out on your own is so great. <3