I think I was taken advantage of but it happened 3 years ago and I'm not sure

[faking_normal_]

So the real question that I have is being taken advantage of count as a type of assault or abuse?
Hear me out before you start jumping to conclusions. My freshman year of high school was very hard. I was depressed, suicidal, self harming, recovering from anorexia, insecure, and extremely vulnerable. I met this guy who was a senior and we got along really well. He seemed to care about me a lot so I opened up to him. We would stay up all night texting and we would hang out all the time at school. We hooked up one weekend at an event for school (not sex, just a lot of kissing which was a big deal for 14 year old me). We decided that we wanted to date but he wanted to keep it a secret because of our age difference. I didn't like that but I dealt with it because I was falling in love with him. We started to skip class to be together and began doing more sexual things. This went on and one day he asked me if I wanted to have sex, I can't remember if I actually wanted to but I do remember saying yes because that's what I thought I had to say. We went off campus and tried to have sex but it didn't work because I must have been scared or something. He gave me oral sex and then kind of manipulated me into giving him oral even though I really didn't want to. I didn't know how to say no and I feel like he knew that and took advantage of my vulnerability. I thought I was in love and I thought that was what I HAD to do, like it was an obligation. I'm not saying I was sexually assaulted or abused or raped but I was taken advantage of and I would like to know if it was my fault. I was 3 years younger than him and I didn't know what I was doing. Please don't be mean, I don't think that would be a problem anyways because I know that there are people who work very hard to keep this a safe space. Thank you.

[Alice M]

Hi faking_normal,

First of all, we won't let anyone be mean to you here. It's against our guidelines and it just wouldn't be okay, so that's not something to worry about. Like you said, keeping this a safe space for everyone is something that we take very seriously.

Consent means that everyone involved is giving an enthusiastic yes -- consent is not just the absence of "no" and manipulating or guilting to get a "yes" isn't consent. Does that make sense?

A lot of people feel like they are supposed to have sex that they don't want to have and not even just young and/or more vulnerable people. This is a common issue and it isn't just you. It isn't your fault, and I'm glad that you're here sorting out your feelings (as uncomfortable as that can be).

Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent is a great resource for some quick education on what consent is and is not -- I highly recommend that you read it and come back with questions or comments!

Lastly, this stuff isn't easy and stirs up a lot for most people. What can you do to take care of you today?