So the real question that I have is being taken advantage of count as a type of assault or abuse?
Hear me out before you start jumping to conclusions. My freshman year of high school was very hard. I was depressed, suicidal, self harming, recovering from anorexia, insecure, and extremely vulnerable. I met this guy who was a senior and we got along really well. He seemed to care about me a lot so I opened up to him. We would stay up all night texting and we would hang out all the time at school. We hooked up one weekend at an event for school (not sex, just a lot of kissing which was a big deal for 14 year old me). We decided that we wanted to date but he wanted to keep it a secret because of our age difference. I didn't like that but I dealt with it because I was falling in love with him. We started to skip class to be together and began doing more sexual things. This went on and one day he asked me if I wanted to have sex, I can't remember if I actually wanted to but I do remember saying yes because that's what I thought I had to say. We went off campus and tried to have sex but it didn't work because I must have been scared or something. He gave me oral sex and then kind of manipulated me into giving him oral even though I really didn't want to. I didn't know how to say no and I feel like he knew that and took advantage of my vulnerability. I thought I was in love and I thought that was what I HAD to do, like it was an obligation. I'm not saying I was sexually assaulted or abused or raped but I was taken advantage of and I would like to know if it was my fault. I was 3 years younger than him and I didn't know what I was doing. Please don't be mean, I don't think that would be a problem anyways because I know that there are people who work very hard to keep this a safe space. Thank you.
Scarleteen is closed for the next two days, so that's Thursday, October 31st (for Halloween) and Friday, November 1st (for Diwali). We'll be back and able to answer your questions on Saturday. Catch you soon!
I think I was taken advantage of but it happened 3 years ago and I'm not sure
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2018 3:19 pm
- Age: 23
- Awesomeness Quotient: I love working with cats
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: bisexual
- Location: America
-
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 119
- Joined: Thu Oct 18, 2018 1:42 pm
- Age: 37
- Awesomeness Quotient: my boundaries
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: bi/pan
- Location: Seattle
Re: I think I was taken advantage of but it happened 3 years ago and I'm not sure
Hi faking_normal,
First of all, we won't let anyone be mean to you here. It's against our guidelines and it just wouldn't be okay, so that's not something to worry about. Like you said, keeping this a safe space for everyone is something that we take very seriously.
Consent means that everyone involved is giving an enthusiastic yes -- consent is not just the absence of "no" and manipulating or guilting to get a "yes" isn't consent. Does that make sense?
A lot of people feel like they are supposed to have sex that they don't want to have and not even just young and/or more vulnerable people. This is a common issue and it isn't just you. It isn't your fault, and I'm glad that you're here sorting out your feelings (as uncomfortable as that can be).
Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent is a great resource for some quick education on what consent is and is not -- I highly recommend that you read it and come back with questions or comments!
Lastly, this stuff isn't easy and stirs up a lot for most people. What can you do to take care of you today?
First of all, we won't let anyone be mean to you here. It's against our guidelines and it just wouldn't be okay, so that's not something to worry about. Like you said, keeping this a safe space for everyone is something that we take very seriously.
Consent means that everyone involved is giving an enthusiastic yes -- consent is not just the absence of "no" and manipulating or guilting to get a "yes" isn't consent. Does that make sense?
A lot of people feel like they are supposed to have sex that they don't want to have and not even just young and/or more vulnerable people. This is a common issue and it isn't just you. It isn't your fault, and I'm glad that you're here sorting out your feelings (as uncomfortable as that can be).
Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent is a great resource for some quick education on what consent is and is not -- I highly recommend that you read it and come back with questions or comments!
Lastly, this stuff isn't easy and stirs up a lot for most people. What can you do to take care of you today?
-
- Similar Topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
-
New post Dating, being taken advantage of and saying no
by Whispermae » Sun Mar 17, 2024 11:44 am » in Ask Us! - 3 Replies
- 6372 Views
-
Last post by Willa
Fri Apr 26, 2024 8:01 am
-
-
-
New post can't get over being taken advantage of in a past relationship
by jupitersrings » Thu Nov 16, 2023 3:37 pm » in Relationships - 10 Replies
- 16825 Views
-
Last post by jupitersrings
Wed Nov 22, 2023 7:38 pm
-
-
- 2 Replies
- 6799 Views
-
Last post by raine
Thu Mar 28, 2024 6:27 pm
-
-
New post 21 years old, never been to a gynecologist
by spoken9644 » Sat Jan 06, 2024 2:40 pm » in Ask Us! - 1 Replies
- 4203 Views
-
Last post by Latha
Sun Jan 07, 2024 2:36 am
-
-
- 1 Replies
- 4504 Views
-
Last post by Latha
Sun Mar 31, 2024 3:46 am