Having relationship issues with my boyfriend

[Leya]

Me and my boyfriend are on a break and I remember he had told me that he become depressed when his car had flip over and when he dad had went into the hospital he had told me he wouldn't know what to do without him and then I start to see a change then because at one point he wouldn't text me how he used to. Because last Thursday he had told me was depressed and not happy and happy with life and give up on life and wanna to die and I told him it not a good way to end your life I asked him he would never never leave me and he said no then he just unadded me on snap.

Like one time me and him had got into a little argument because he had told me you go be like them and start to do me like that and he was talking about his ex because that had treated him bad and cheated on him and that had made me mad because I wouldn't do something like that tho and he start to say he feel like the worst now and shitty because out of no where he would start saying I don't think I deserve you and a bad boyfriend and piece of shit and I can't hurt you anymore then I have but he never did I think that what it coming from. Then last Thursday I wanted to break up because the relationship was going down cause of him and he keep saying I deserve better and then he said I just give up on life and I said why and he told me I just wanna die and I told him not a good way to end your life and he literally told me I'm not happy I hate my life you deserve someone better I'll ever be and I explain to him I do deserve him and literally said to me I'm not good I'm terrible boyfriend you think you been happy with me but you haven't

And I just want to fix our relationship and see what is wrong with him and do he need time and the break was good for us What have him feeling all of this and saying things that are not true he always tell me how much he love me and I'm his love of his life I tell him I love him no matter what and he is the best guy I ever dated and told him maybe he is the guy for me someone I dream of I even asked him do he still love after all of this and he said yes.

After all of what he had did last Thursday I ask him he would never never leave me and he said no then he just unadded me on snap and then I had texted him later on that day and ask him why he doing this to me and he literally told me I think you deserve better than me. Im obviously not good for you in any single way. You say you love me but i dont want you to love someone as pathetic as me I know we love each so much and care about each other we talk about personal stuff marriage kids and house and stuff and everything else and I don't think he want to throw all of that away because what he going through I asked him how he pathetic and he just said I just am He keep telling me he dint think he deserve but he put sad face when he said that and I told him to make his decision and he said he and I told him what is it and he said I don't think we should be together I been trying to figure out what is wrong with him? I told him he can fix it but he literally said I can't I tried and I can't help him and still said I can't I actually did ask him why don't you go get help and he said I've tried nothing can help I'm just a fucked up

I wanted to know sure if he go talk to date another girl but he told me no and I ask why and he said because I'm working on myself and I don't want any other person and I told him same the only person I want is you and he literally told me same tbh Why he did all of this and can't figure out his answers for why he don't think he don't deserve and a bad boyfriend and piece of shit and what is wrong with him? Do you think he still depressed that why he like this?

he admitted he's a fucked up He did admit he wanted to fix the relationship because it was going down cause of him and I'm apart of him and he care about us and I feel like that is hitting him the most he really want to fit it but don't know how to but tried and nothing help and he even got help and that didn't help I even told him I don't why I love you so much and only want you and he told idk why either I can see the hurt and pain in him but he don't know how to call out for help.

I'm Stressed out don't know what to do just really worry about him because I know how my heart feels about him and don't want everything to go away I might be at the point just or give up on him and the relationship and just tell him I done but then I was thinking I should text him and tell him we need to talk about everything and how we feel like our feelings and stuff and I think that might help too I even told him about the break and said we both going through shit right now and a break is good we need to work on that and we can get back together and he said yes but why he said yes instead of disagreeing about it and the break and he could had continue with the break up

Why Did he agree about getting back together after having time and after we had work on ourself? I don't think he treating back I feel like he's hurting him self to where the point something might happen he don't know how to handle it I think it could be mental illness too.

I remember last Thursday I asked him everything you did today was it for real or you was just still depressed and didn’t mean the things and he told me idk and I asked him why he doing this to me and he said I think you deserve better than me. I’m obviously not good for in other single way. You say you love me but I don’t want you to love someone as pathetic as me why did he say those things about him and even to me because he know they is not true and I even ask him do he still love me after all of this and he said yes and I asked him do you really think I deserve someone better than you and he said yes and I said make your decision and he said I don’t think we should be together and I said cause you think I don’t deserve someone like you and he said you deserve some better. I’m not a good bf I never was I’m a piece of shit bf.you deserve better and I told him I don’t care if you a bad boyfriend and a piece of shit as long you love me that all I care about don’t have to be the perfect boyfriend and he said If im not the perfect boyfriend than im not gonna be able to make you happy. You need someone thats gonna make you happy. I cant do that. Im just the worst. You deserve more, you deserve better, you deserve someone that can actual be there with you unlike me.

I told him You actually do make me happy... do you know I smile cause of you!!! Put a smile on my face I talk about you 24/7 cause I fucking love you and I wouldn't trade you in the world I don't deserve anyone but you and he said i just i dont think i deserve you... and I told him Ethan don't say that cause you do deserve me and he literally said to me No i dont thats final and I told him Thought you really love me and he told me I was a different man thenn.. a better man and I said I don't care if you a bad boyfriend to me cause I know you won't hurt me and he said I already have and I keep telling him But you can fix it but you don't want to don't wake away from me and he just said I cant ive tried and I told him I can help you with that why you don't ask for my help and he said Cause you cant help and I said to him Don't fix it the only person who can make it right is the both of us and he literally said to me I cant.

I asked him Why you don't go get help and he said this to me Ive tried nothing can help me Im just fucked up then I start talking bout how we promise each other we come back to each other and he didn’t know what I meant by that so I explain to him and ask him do he want to do and he said sure and I asked him Like in the time comes you want to get back with me again and he said yea then I start telling about how we can work on ourself and it would be good for us then we can get back together then I said to him Don't you think we need that instead and he said yes I guess.

I told him this You don't want to lose me for good when it comes to a breakup a break is actually good for us especially you so you can work on yourself and he said yea then I start talking about I need to work on myself too and he said yea you do lol then I said to him We both going through shit right now and a break is good we need to work on that then we can get back together and he said yea and I literally told him Don't why I love you so much and only want you and he told me Idk why either. Like what is this all telling me he going through something but he don’t want the relationship to end but he don’t know how call it for help and he just scared like I need help with this?

[Sam W]

Hi Leya,

Thank you for moving this conversation to the boards!

This is a really tricky situation in part because many of the questions you're asking are ones only he can answer. He knows his reasons, knows his wants, and while we can offer some thoughts and advice, at a certain point the only person who can tell you why this is happening the way it is is him. And while it sucks that he is dealing with some heavy stuff, at a certain point he has to make the choice to get help or support around those feelings. You can encourage him in that direction, but ultimately he has to be the one to do it.

That being said, there may be some things you can do to lessen the confusion of the situation. If you two have agreed you're still on a break, did you discuss beforehand what that means? For instance, being on a break often means you don't have the same level of contact (if any) that you did when you were in the relationship. Too, did you and he discuss how long you think the break needs to last?

Something else that may be helpful for you right now is to focus on some things other than this relationship with him. That way, you're not constantly in the middle of all the stressful emotions of this situation. Do you have things you like to do for self-care, or hobbies you enjoy, that you could put extra energy into over the next little while? Are there other relationships, like with friends or family, that you could spend more time on?

[Leya]

Me and him haven’t discusse anything about how long we need the break for I just know I told him I know we on a break right now but I was just checking up on you but when you is ready and know the time is right to get back together just let me know but I giving you time so you can work on yourself but I don’t know if he had understood that and read it but I was thinking about texting him and ask him why he don’t tell me what been making him feel this why? Just don’t know if he go give me answers I believe him and everything because he never lie to me we talked about personal things in our life to each other and marriage kids and getting a house and he even told me I can move in with him but he never said any of those things to his ex’s just only me like what is that telling me he always used to tell me how much he love me and how I make him happy and he smiles cause of me

[Leya]

Right now I just go forucing on school and get myself together and through because I feel like I fighting this own my own and I shouldn’t or been going through it I know he going through whatever he’s going through but I want answers and why he saying those things about him he know they not true but depressed is hitting him so hard where he don’t know what to do and it can be mental illness to?

[Sam W]

It sounds like, then, if you do reach out to him again it needs to be about figuring out what you each are expecting from the break and what the break is going to look like. Both because that will help you sort out some of the things that seem to be adding to the confusion and stress of this situation, and because rehashing the same conversation where you ask him why he's feeling this way isn't going to be helpful for either of you right now. Do you feel like he'd be open to that conversation, or has he given you the sense that he doesn't want contact with you during your break?

Are there people in your life you could reach out to for support around how you're feeling right now? Even if it's just one friend or one family member, feeling like your not alone in dealing with your feelings might help out a lot.

As for why he's doing this, as I said before that's something we simply can't know. The only person who can tell you his reasons is him, and right now it sounds like he's not in a place to do that. So, the kindest thing you can do for yourself at the moment may be to focus less on why he's acting the way he is and more on what you can do with the information you do have. Does that make sense?

As an aside, going forward I'm going to ask that you break up your paragraphs rather than posting one large wall of text. Having the information in a big block actually makes it much harder for us to understand what's going on (and makes it basically impossible to read for some people).