5 partners in 14 months. How should I feel?

[jaclyn_mouse03]

November 11, 2017 when I lost my virginity. He told me he was 17, I found out different later on.
I was with another boy in the spring of 2018. Was with him maybe 5 times.
Sorta kinda had a relationship with an older girl in the summer of 18.
Another boy last month (and never seeing him again!!!!)
And last week I was with a boy but only because I felt like I needed some kind of control in my life (read my other topic and I think you'll understand).

It was boy #4 who ended up abusing last month (again the other topic), and the last few weeks I was constantly asking myself how and why it happened. But mostly I am just wondering how I ended up with 5 partners in 14 months!!!!!

I am a good Christian girl (yes I said it) and I feel like I am in control but I also feel like I am wrong at the same time. I don't know how I should feel. I have regrets, but at the same time I feel okay. Part of me wishes I did none of the above, but it's not like I can change that now.

Plus I am sure my mom thinks I am still a virgin, lol! My mom knows the second boy and third boy and the girl (mom would freak about that if she knew about the girl relationship!!!!!!!!) but I don't think my mom reazlies the full story.

Crazy part is that I am typing this out on my bed. Maybe I should just buy a new bed! I have had sex on this bed with 4 different boys! Just typing that out makes me feel strange.

How should I feel????? Or better yet what can I do that will make me realize that this is all okay.

[Sam W]

Hi Jaclyn,

There are a few different ways you could try thinking about this situation. For starters, do you feel the same way about those four relationships, or are there ones that feel like they were overall positive while others (like the abusive partner) were overall a negative?

Too, can you pinpoint what elements of having 5 partners in 14 months is making you feel weird? For instance, is it the belief that relationships should last longer than that and if they don't it means something is up? Does the fact that you were sexual with some of them factor into it? Something else?