Moving Out

[kitter]

Before I get into the situation I want to preface this with that my parents are NOT abusive and I will not stand for anyone saying that at all. While they are not abusive, our family dynamic is not functional and it's been a long time coming for me to be ready to leave.
It is no secret that I am mentally ill in my family but I have never gotten the proper care or support and this has strained my relationship with my parents significantly. I am not a good kid, I ask out and get bad grades and get into lots of drama, this adds to the dysfunction of my relationship with my family and constant fighting.

I know that the moment I graduate and move out, our relationship will be less strained because there won't be the pressure of constantly being around them. The issue arises that I am only 17 and even though i'm graduating I'm not an adult so I don't know if I'm allowed to move out. The issue is not where I would go, I have that figured out, its just a matter of if I will get in trouble or not.

[Heather]

I'm sorry that you've been having to live with family dysfunction.

Ultimately, the best person for you to ask about this would be a lawyer who practices family law in Florida state, or a social worker in your state. But giving this a cursory glance, it appears that no, as is the case in most, if not all, states in the U.S., you can't legally live on your own until you're 18 (or married, and let's not even get started with that).

However, what you could potentially do is file for emancipation so that you could move out if and when you were emancipated. If you want help for that, a good place to start might be by getting in touch with someone at Lambda Legal: https://www.lambdalegal.org/helpdesk They have Florida staff for state-specific help, and if they can't give you legal aid in preparing for emancipation and doing all the forms and such, they can likely connect you to a service that can.

[kitter]

I'm not sure what I've decided yet, but tensions have raised and my parents want me to start paying rent to live at my house as soon a graduate (may). I still feel like I should be saving money and budgeting despite not knowing if I want to file for emancipation or wait to turn 18 (August) I just don't know what I should be saving/budgeting for besides rent, and everywhere I look seems to have info on packing and not the money aspect of everything.

I just feel so lost and confused and scared. I don't know how to be an adult in that aspect and I can't talk to my parents about that without them guilt tripping me about leaving them.

[Robin]

Hi Kitter,

I'm sorry to hear the tension has ramped up even more.


Hearing you on how scary it is to think about moving out when you're not 100% clear on all that entails.

Not sure if you've seen this article on our site. It's written mostly about people moving in together, but I think you might find the first few sections helpful for figuring out some of the stuff you need to consider besides paying for rent. You, Them and a U-Haul: Considering Cohabitation

You've said you can't talk with your parents without it becoming a big thing. Is there anyone else in your life you might be able to talk to? Even if you don't feel like you can tell them you're thinking about when to leave home, is there anyone else in your life you feel comfortable with talking about what your options are after you graduate?

The folks Heather pointed you toward might also have some resources for you.

[kitter]

My girlfriend (who I will be moving in with) has been really helpful to talk to about this whole situation, my friend group also knows the situation I've found myself in but I suppose they don't understand fully the stress i'm under because of it.
After my latest fight with my family, my mother and I will be seeing my therapist together but I don't feel like that will go well since im not comfortable opening up to her for various reason. But I might start thinking about seeing her again soon and maybe open up to her a little more honestly about various mental issues i'm dealing with. I just don't want to get dependent on her because that's more I have to budget for when I move out.

[Heather]

I don’t know if it’s helpful to you to know, but the parents of a minor cannot lawfully kick them out OR demand they pay rent. Legally, their responsibilities as parents are to house and basically support you (food, clothing, medical care, etc.) until the age of majority.

[kitter]

After meeting with my therapist today (Friday) she has since taken away the threat of making me pay rent, but even with tensions cooling already im still standing firm on moving out.
I love them so much, but I can't live somewhere where the fights get so intense and threats like that as well as insults are thrown at me. Once I move out things will be better and i'm standing firm on that.

[Heather]

We support you in that! We hope that all our users are able to always only live in living situations where they are and feel safe and where the relationships and interactions are emotionally healthy.

[kitter]

Hi, It has been about a year now since this post and I felt like giving an update since ive basically disappeared after all that. I have not yet moved out of my families home, however that is no longer a pressing need. I graduated highschool last year which has taken away a big cause of my mental stress as well as i started socially transitioning outside of my friend group.
I'm still with my girlfriend i spoke of and out relationship is a strong as ever, we fight sure but never over anything that truly hurts out relationship. It's mostly disagreements over dinner.
I have adopted two new pets since then, a kitten named Burberry who is now a year old, and a rabbit ive named bently who is about 4 years old.

After graduation i spent time on and off looking for work, i found myself a job at a pet boarding facility and its something i just completely adore. It is completely LGBT run, so not only have i found a job im passionate about, but I have now another support system and friend group, and then have even encouraged me to go to collage for veterinary science, afters years and years of being sure i would never do anything like that. I start school in the fall of 2021 if all is well.

[Sam W]

Hi kitter,

Thank you so much for the update! It sounds like things have improved in a lot of ways in the last year, which is awesome, and I'm so glad to hear you've found such a supportive community and friend group!