Is it anatomy or something else?

[ICantThink]

This might be a little too much detail so I'll try and keep it as bare minimum as possible, but I apologize if it does go over. Anyways, I've been on here before with questions and I come back with another (duh.)

My boyfriend and I have had sex three times so far and every time I've been on top. I don't have a problem with it, except for that's the only way we can have sex. We've tried missionary but he can never seem to be able to get it in, and even when I'm on top it takes us a few minutes. I've been curious as to why this might be, and am looking for answers anywhere I can. Also, I don't know if this is part of the problem, but whenever it takes us a few tries he starts to lose it, sometimes completely, could this be part of the reason?

Also, I've noticed that when we do have sex, I get this slightly painful/uncomfortable feeling for a few seconds. The first time we had sex it lasted half the time, but the second time it went away shortly after appearing. I chalked it up to not being used to the feeling, and maybe he's going too deep? (Again, I apologize if this is way to much information, but I don't know how else I'm supposed to ask my questions clearly.)

[Heather]

So, a couple questions first:

With any of this, are you using plenty of lubricant right from the start?

Also, if you two do want to explore other positions, are you experimenting with angles a good deal, and trying subtle adjustments with positions you want, but do not seem to be a fit so far?

[ICantThink]

Aside from quite a bit of foreplay and whatever lubricant that brings with it, no we aren't using any. We spent a lot of time trying different angles, such as instead of lying flat I'd lean on my elbows or something to that effect because I figured it wouldn't be to easy to just lay normally. After a few minutes of trying and failing though we just switch to what has seemed to work, (even though it still takes us a few minutes) I think it takes us a while with me on top because we're both attempting to get it to work and unintentionally get in each others way.

So while we've tried making slight adjustments, I can't say we spend more than maybe five minutes on it before going to our fall back option, which even with the fall back it still takes us maybe another 3-5 minutes before anything actually happens. Missionary just doesn't seem to want to work for us and I was wondering about why that might be.

[Heather]

Okay, so not using lube may well be a big part of the issue here, especially when it comes to that initial pain. Lubricant is your friend, and it's especially important if you're using condoms or other barriers to keep things feeling good and keep those barriers from breaking or degrading.

I'd start with that, all by itself, with any of this, and see what difference it makes, because it potentially could be a really big one. I'd also need to know how that went, and if that helped, before knowing what else to suggest with position issues.

[ICantThink]

Okay. I'll have to talk to my boyfriend about that for next time (even though I'm completely unsure of when next time will be.) and see if that makes a difference. Thanks for the help so far!

[Heather]

Sure! And happy to pick it up from there when you do try using some lube and see what that does.