What am i.
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Dumbso
- newbie
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Sun Feb 10, 2019 12:57 pm
- Age: 23
- Awesomeness Quotient: My hair
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: I don't mind much but i guess she/her is fine
- Sexual identity: Queer, still very confused
- Location: Africa
What am i.
Hi. Call me al. I am 17 yrs old. Im a girl ig. I've never really been in a relationship, be it because of my personnality or something else, but thats not the issue here, today, i want to talk about my sexuality. So, since last year, i started liking this super cool girl in my class, idk how it started, i never really questionned my sexuality before, considering thirsting over girls and only girls completely normal (spoiler: it wasnt) (not that liking girls isnt normal but you get what i mean) and yeah, i later accepted my feelings and embraced my sexuality (i even confessed to the girl, its not going how ive expected it to go but things are smooth id say). But the thing is, i am attracted to both genders, but physically talking, im only attracted to girls. Because of my religion and family restrictions and what not, idk how to feel about that. I just assumed all my life that the only kind of sexual activity id have would have been with a guy, but then i was never really attracted to guys, and i find their, um, genitals, terribly disgusting. I always find myself repulsing at the thought of something inside me, andI only ever fantasized about girls. But then, most of the time, like 99% of the time, my fantasies are only about cuddles and kisses and touching, i never even masturbate, i tried but i get turned off instantly and im discouraged, i really dont know what all of this means. I am also still kind of attracted to guys, personality mostly, faces, never got turned on by their bodies, i just like pretty faces and smart brains and charming and funny guys, maybe some guys i wanna kiss, but its mostly girls. SO what does this mean. Am i a homosexual biromantic? A simple bisexual? Does not wanting to ever have intercourse and being absolutely disgusted with it mean im asexual? Am i weird? I hope i make sense, and i hope i get an answer sometime soon. No pressure, but i really like how everyone here seems very willing to help and very kind.
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Sam W
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: What am i.
Hi Dumbso,
Aw, thanks for that kind observation!
It sounds like you've done a lot of thinking around your orientation, which is awesome! It can definitely feel confusing if your orientation doesn't seem to fit neatly into any categories, or like it possibly fits into too many at once. If it helps to know, you're far from the first person to grapple with that situation. In fact, we have a whole series by people who have been, or still are, in the process of working out their identity: The Answers (for Now)
The tricky thing is, the only person who can say for certain how you identify. Nobody, myself included, can tell you what label to use (or if there's any label to use at all). Too, it's completely okay to find a term that works for you now and then decide that no, actually, this other term is more accurate later on. A persons' sexuality, or their understanding of it, is often fluid throughout their life. I say that so that you don't feel pressure to somehow get the label right the first time. Does that all make sense?
It does sound like asexuality with some kind of attraction to multiple genders encapsulates your current experience. Do you feel like simply saying "asexual" is right for you? Or does that not feel quite like it gets at everything?
This could also be a time where either "queer" or "questioning" could be useful terms. Queer because it encapsulates such a wide range of attraction patterns, and questioning because it gets at the fact that you're still in the process of figuring things out.
Aw, thanks for that kind observation!
It sounds like you've done a lot of thinking around your orientation, which is awesome! It can definitely feel confusing if your orientation doesn't seem to fit neatly into any categories, or like it possibly fits into too many at once. If it helps to know, you're far from the first person to grapple with that situation. In fact, we have a whole series by people who have been, or still are, in the process of working out their identity: The Answers (for Now)
The tricky thing is, the only person who can say for certain how you identify. Nobody, myself included, can tell you what label to use (or if there's any label to use at all). Too, it's completely okay to find a term that works for you now and then decide that no, actually, this other term is more accurate later on. A persons' sexuality, or their understanding of it, is often fluid throughout their life. I say that so that you don't feel pressure to somehow get the label right the first time. Does that all make sense?
It does sound like asexuality with some kind of attraction to multiple genders encapsulates your current experience. Do you feel like simply saying "asexual" is right for you? Or does that not feel quite like it gets at everything?
This could also be a time where either "queer" or "questioning" could be useful terms. Queer because it encapsulates such a wide range of attraction patterns, and questioning because it gets at the fact that you're still in the process of figuring things out.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.