Bringing up mutual masturbation

[YeetGarnet]

I've been wanting to bring up mutual masturbation with a partner and see if they want to try it. But, I'm not sure how and when to bring it up. I'm also not sure how they'll respond. I don't want to make them mad or make it awkward, and I'm not sure what to do. Thanks! Sorry.

[Heather]

How do you generally ask this partner (or any partner) about trying something new?

Also, why are you assuming that asking a partner to do this will make them mad? Does this partner get mad about you asking them to do sexual things or new things?

[YeetGarnet]

Hey, thanks. My partner doesn't tend to get mad about these sort of thing, but I still find it difficult to bring up. We don't talk about sexual things (at least not the possibility of us doing sexual things together) very often.I just don't know how I should ask them, if there's a specific moment when I should ask them, what to say, or how they'll react. Sorry. Thanks!

[Sam W]

Hi YeetGarnet,

Since it sounds like sexual communication is something you two are still getting the hang of, this article might be really helpful right now and in general: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

One thing you could try is to bring up this particular request as part of a bigger conversation about whether there are things you're both interested in trying during sex. That gives you a chance to ask about mutual masturbation as well as learn if there are things your partner is interested in trying that you'd be down for (you could even bust out the full Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist if you wanted to). Ideally, you want to have that conversation at a time where you're both feeling pretty calm and not rushing off to do things, and when you're somewhere private but where sex isn't immediately on the table. That gives everyone the space and time to talk. As for how to bring it up, for the activity itself something as straightforward as, "hey, I've been wondering, would you be up for trying mutual masturbation sometime?" could work. You could also offer to make a date out of it; like, stock up on some snacks and then cuddle up together and talk about sex and what you each want (and don't want) from it. Does any of that help?

[YeetGarnet]

Thanks! I think the idea of bringing it up as abigger conversation is great. Thank you so much.

[Sam W]

You're very welcome!