Hooking up with friend

[apronepisces]

Context: I had a party while my mom was on vacation. Probably 20 people at the max of the party, and 12-14 slept over because I didn’t want anyone driving under the influence. At the end of the night we all gathered in the living room on couches and the floor and watched a bunch of movies. At the time I was on the floor with this guy I really liked.

Moment: This person (not the guy previously mentioned) is someone I’ve always had a little crush on and is a very flirty person in nature (when he sees any of his friends his gives them the biggest hug and puts his arm around them and is very touchy but not in a creepy way, he just loves everyone.) That night there was a space between me and the guy previously mentioned. So this friend of mine, the flirty one, was like “I want to be next to ___[me]” and rolled over the guy previously mentioned. Throughout the first movie he was laying on my thigh and I was playing with his hair because we’ve always had that type of relationship and I was also kind of sad that the guy previously mentioned wasn’t making any moves throughout the night. At one point I was tired and it was at my house so I wanted to sleep in my bed. I knew what I was doing when I said I was going to my room but I half really wanted to make out with him and half just wanted to sleep next to someone and he is a very comfy person. So I went to my room and he came up also. We were laying in my bed for at least 40 minutes just talking while cuddling. I finally closed my eyes because I figured nothing was going to happen at this point and he kissed me. It was all completely consented. We ended up making out for over an hour, he kind of fingered me but I’ve never done anything but make out with someone so I didn’t reciprocate anything to him and we eventually stopped and went back downstairs.

Aftermath: I felt really really bad for not reciprocating anything because that’s the type of person I am but he never asked and I didn’t know if I should offer. He said he didn’t remember anything that happened and I want to believe him because he definitely could’ve just not remembered but he was not black out anything at any point of the night, or I never would have suggested anything to happen, and it was a pretty big chunk of the night as a whole (at least 2 hours total of things happening from me saying I was going upstairs.) We have a class together two days each week and we are perfectly fine honestly. I just really like him still (or just want to make out with him again) and don’t know what to do.

[Sam W]

Hi apronepisces,

To make sure I'm understanding the situation correctly, have you and he already talked about this once? Or did him saying he didn't remember what happened that night come up in a different context?

It sounds like you may be interested in some sort of casual relationship with this person. Do you feel like that's something you could talk about with him? Or are you not sure you even want that type of arrangement with him?

[apronepisces]

I feel if I asked it would be a possibility. I just don’t know how I’d approach the situation

[Sam W]

The simplest way may be to ask him if he's interested in striking up some kind of casual relationship, and then making time for the two of you to talk about what each of your expectations are around that kind of relationship. Too, you could also try asking him on a date as a starting point. Do either of those options feel doable? And have the two of you talked much at all since the party?

[apronepisces]

Yes it is doable and yeah we talk a lot and nothing is crazy awkward or anything. Thanks so much!