relationship

unicyu · Unread post by **unicyu** » Sat Mar 09, 2019 7:09 pm

so i have a quick question. my boyfriend and i were doing some sexual stuff like he was sucking on my boobs. I consented to him doing so and i basically told him to. while he was i kinda closed my eyes and half way feel asleep. i dont believe i was unconscious but i was half asleep to the point of snoring. is that some sort of sexual assault but idk i consented to it 1st before i closed my eyes ofc.

Siân · Unread post by **Siân** » Sun Mar 10, 2019 5:10 am

From what you're saying, you started out doing a consensual sexual thing together - great! - but then you started to fall asleep/actually fell asleep and he didn't stop or check in. When you're asleep you're no longer able to consent and so he should stop or the activity stops being consensual - does that make sense to you?

unicyu · Unread post by **unicyu** » Sun Mar 10, 2019 8:43 am

yea. and he did. when he heard the snore he stopped and looked up and asked what i was doing

Unread post by **Sam W** » Sun Mar 10, 2019 8:53 am

Okay, so it sounds like when he realized you were asleep, he did in fact stop and check in. Did you and he talk at all about what happened after that?

Based on this and your other post, I do want to ask: do you feel like you trust him to respect your boundaries overall in the relationship? Or is there a part of you that feels like you have to be constantly aware or else he'll push past them?

unicyu · Unread post by **unicyu** » Sun Mar 10, 2019 2:47 pm

I mean ever since the incident in the 1st post i've been kinda more aware than usual.And i have another thing which is ig getting my head. i was about to leave his place and i told him about my boundaries where i want him to ask to kiss me and he agreed to it ofc. so we kissed then he kissed me without asking and i asked him why and he said it slipped his mind and he's really sorry. the other times he kissed without me provoking it he asked but that one time he didnt and i understand maybe it was a mistake but idk. was it rly that bad?

Unread post by **Heather** » Mon Mar 11, 2019 7:35 am

Well, how did you experience it?

I ask that because you know him: we don't. You know what the dynamics of your relationship feel like, and we don't. Did it feel to you like he just forgot, or did you feel violated? Do you want to talk with him about how he can better start remembering?

unicyu · Unread post by **unicyu** » Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:09 pm

i was upset and maybe even felt like that but i dont think he meant it in any harm

Unread post by **Heather** » Tue Mar 12, 2019 8:53 am

As I mentioned elsewhere, I'm closing up all these other threads about this except one for now, so we can have a conversation about all of this in one place for ease. The open thread for that is here: http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=8670

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