Sex addiction

[kitter]

Due to past trauma I have been putting a lot of effort into recovering specifically the addiction to sex that came out of it. Completely ghosting FWBs, deleting dating apps, and completely cutting out masturbation etc.

I have now found myself in a very healthy, loving relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months and we have since been having sex and such. I have vaguely mentioned my passed addiction to her but never in very much detail, I have a lot of brain issues I don't like worrying her too much. As we continue to hang out together (and I'll be moving in with her in the summer) our sexual relationship has been occurring more and more often (consentually of course) and when i'm on my own I find myself masturbating more and more and i'm really worried i'm slipping back into my past habits.

I don't know how to tell her and talk more about this past issue with me without making her upset or feeling like its her fault. She's already extremely careful with me and sex because of my trauma, I don't want to make having sex with me seem like a chore. what should I do? How can I keep myself from slipping into old addictions?

[Heather]

Like many sex educators, and people working in other parts of sexology, we don't actually support the concept of sex as addiction. We view addiction as a framework that's about external substances, which sex obviously isn't. However, we *do* know that some people struggle with compulsivity around sex, so we can talk about this way, if you like, assuming that sexual compulsivity is actually what you mean when you talk about sex addiction (rather than say, thinking about sex a lot, for instance, or just masturbating or having sex with a partner frequently, but by choice, not by compulsion).

If that works for you -- or you're open to just discussing this differently than you might have intended, and with a different framework -- I'm glad to discuss this. If not, I'm sorry that this might be something we can't help you with.

[kitter]

Yeah that's what I meant. I've always known it as sex addiction, but the compulsion I suppose describes it much better then an addiction would.

[Jacob]

Hi kitter,

You say you 'recovered' from previous behaviour/habits. But it sounds like a lot of those have been bundled together in the umbrella of 'sex addiction' and labelled as harmful.

I wonder if they actually are harmful at all!

For example, here you talk about taking more interest in masturbation recently. But that's not harmful... if anything it's just a regular part of life.

Have you had any support around the trauma you mention?

Feeling shame around being at all sexual can be an effect of having experienced past trauma.