questions about sex

[armykiki]

Hi, its been a while since i've visited this page. I just wanted to say that this website helped me a lot. I feel less shame around masturbation!!!! But i still dont bring up the topic or even talk about sex (just incase my friends think i'm weird, or they might judge me etc). So now that i am able to get it going (with the help of SMUT), i still have more questions to ask about sex and my body. The only thing is, i dont have a trusted adult that i can speak to and DEFINITELY NOT my parents!! i'm so curious about it but i also keep my questions to myself even when the opportunity rises at school. I go to a Catholic school, so sex is RARELY brought up. And even if it is, it is never explained in depth (THEY NEVER GET TO THE JUICY PART). Instead they would just talk about friendship, and religious views... sigh. Also not to mention that my school is an all girl school so i rarely have any male contact whatsoever. I dont even know how to act around boys, so sex would be super scary for me.... Anyways!! since i have no trusted adults to talk to, i am just going to leave my questions here:

Before having sex, how do you get it going? Do you have to explain things first or just go straight for it?
How do you deal with bad odours? What if their breath stinks LOL
When would you inform the person about your sexual fantasies and what you want?
What positions are good for your first time?
Is foreplay necessary?
What if you don't orgasm?
How do you get the guy turned on?
Why does my vagina contract every second of the day lmao
Is it normal to fantasize at random times in the day?
Is it normal to fantasise about teachers?
(omg i am so ashamed about this ...)
I think those are enough questions for now, but if you do have any (sex) experience please just tell me how it all started imSOOO curious!!!

[Heather]

Hey again, armykiki.

These are a lot of questions on different themes. A few lot of them have very complicated answers, and many we just can't answer (like "how to get a guy turned on," because that totally depends on the guy and you'd have to ask him, or what positions are good for the first time someone is trying a sexual thing for the first time, because, again, that is going to depend on the very unique people involved). Trying to have one conversation with you where we answer all these questions in one sitting would be trying to do the impossible.

So, how about this:
1) I have some links I can share with you for content on the site where we do give some of the information you're asking for. We always ask board users to have a look on the main site first before posting questions, and it sounds like maybe you didn't know to do that -- or know about the thousands of pages of information there. I'm going to share those with you in a moment.
2) After you spend some time reading what I'm giving you to start answering these questions, why don't you pop back if what you read creates more questions, or you are confused about something, or you want something much more specific than you read. In other words, what we can do is give you this information through answers we've already provided and help you along with it here as you want or need.
3) There are some things you asked I can answer pretty simply here, where we don't have other content that really covers them or honestly, you just might not need a whole article right now.

How's that sound?

Here are those answers we can get out of the way or, if you want to talk more about any of them, get you started with here on the boards:

How do you deal with bad odours? What if their breath stinks LOL

Well, because we're all people, we all are going to have a host of smells, and sometimes they won't be pleasant. But generally, people who are ready to be intimate with other people are taking care of basic hygiene like brushing their teeth and taking showers on the regular, so none of this should be a super big deal. I'd say if and when someone isn't doing that stuff, either they might not be ready to be intimate yet, or they might not be in a good headspace for it (like, they may be struggling with severe depression). But too, if you find that all of this stuff just seems like it'd be pretty icky to deal with, that can be a signal that you're not really ready -- or wanting to be! -- for this yet either, or just haven't met anyone yet who you want to get close enough to to do things like smell their funky breath sometimes.

I do want to add, though, that some people have health issues or disorders that make their body odor stronger or their breath sour in a way where they can only do so much. In case like that, again, a lot of it comes down to how ready you are to really be intimate with someone, and then, presuming you did really want to be close to that person, would just be about you learning to adjust and be understanding.

What if you don't orgasm?

Then you don't! People engage in sexual activity without reaching orgasm all the time. Orgasm shouldn't ever be something we feel required to do (and it's literally involuntary, so we can't just do it on command, period!) and it certainly isn't necessary for a sexual experience to bring us pleasure and be enjoyable. It's just something that happens sometimes -- and usually is a nice batch of seconds when it does, for sure, but truly, cool as it can be, it's very brief and if everything before didn't feel satisfying and awesome, orgasm doesn't usually make it so -- and that doesn't other times.

Why does my vagina contract every second of the day lmao

Honestly, probably because you're alive.The vagina is a muscle, and like all the other muscles in your body, it's basically active all the time, even when you're just sitting around. But of course, the more you focus on it, the more you're going to be aware of what it does.

Is it normal to fantasize at random times in the day?
Is it normal to fantasise about teachers?

Yep and yep. Just like it's normal to daydream in general, and have the content of those daydreams run the gamut, the same is true of sexual fantasy.

Here are some of the pieces I think will answer some of this for you and give you a good start with that feeling like you don't know anything yet, to the point where that almost feels scary to you. I also think some of the pieces I'm sharing will make clear why there just aren't simple or universal answers to some of these questions:
• Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent (this one and the next two after it can tell you about how to do consenting: the process of asking and answering invitations to being sexual, about how yes, you and others should absolutely be asking first, not just doing things to someone, and how to do that and how to generally ask for what you want)
• Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
• How to Understand, Identify and Make Choices About Desire
• What's Sex? (this one and the next couple can give you general information about what sex even is -- and things like how what some people call "foreplay" are all actually just other ways of having sex -- and how it can go)
• Left Foot, Red, Right Hand, Green: The Deal on Sex Positions
• I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment
• And a couple more to round this all out: What Makes Someone Good in Bed?
• To Slide or to Slice? Finding a Positive Sexual Metaphor

Lastly, our staff sharing personal details of our own sexual lives not only isn't great in terms of boundaries, it isn't likely to be very helpful to you in any general way. (Plus, that's asking some of us to sum up a LOT. In my case, about 35 very busy sexually active years!) I think when you read some of the links I left for you you'll get more of what I mean by that.

But if you're looking for how things have been for your peers, you can just go ahead and start reading the boards to your heart's delight: there's a ton there. I'd just remind you that in space like these, you will always see more of people having struggles with sex than here talking about things going really well. That's just the nature of help sites! My point is, you may read peers here and get the idea sex is more a struggle than a pleasure, and that wouldn't be a fair representation.