Masturbating w/o hands or toys

[Imbluedabadee]

I want to masturbate, but I don't like using my hands because they are prone to cramping. Taking frequent breaks to let my hands rest so they don't hurt really kills the mood, so I never climax this way. I live with my parents, so buying toys really isn't an option for me. The shower is a no-go because the head is not detachable and is utterly impossible to reach for pleasure purposes. I've tried just using a rolled up towel or something, but it's not as enjoyable as penetration for me. Are there any ways to masturbate discreetly without hands or toys, possibly allowing for penetration but at least something other than a towel or pillow?

[Heather]

Hey there, Imbluedabadee:

Have you already taken a look at this page: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition? Anything in there that looks like a maybe for you?

I'd also be happy to talk a bit about seeing what you can do to change how you think about your access needs so that they (as in, things like needing to rest your hands) might not have to kill the mood for you, if you like. This is something many of us with all kinds of disabilities or other similar kinds of needs have had to figure out.

[Imbluedabadee]

Heather:

Thanks for the quick reply. I took a look at the link you gave me. Some of the things in the list look promising, but I don't have access to condoms.

I would like to learn more about changing how I think about access needs.

[Sam W]

Hi Imbluedabadee,

I'm glad some of the D.I.Y toys look promising. Can you tell me a little more about what you mean when you say you don't have access to condoms? We may be able to help you figure out away around certain obstacles.

I'm not sure what specific recommendations Heather had in mind for rethinking your access needs, but one place to get started would be with this article: Taking Your Body for a Ride: Masturbation and Disability. Some of the advice in there, such as the sections about figuring out how to find multiple modes of stimulation or drawing pleasure out, might give you some options to try.

[Imbluedabadee]

Sam:
I am financially dependent on my parents, so I can't buy condoms myself and I don't feel comfortable asking my parents to buy them for me.

I'm not a disabled person. I think I just have weak tendons or something, which makes my hands and wrists hurt and cramp when I use them in a certain way. Anything from grabbing a full glass to trying to masturbate sometimes sends shooting pains from my wrist to between my knuckles. When using my hands for masturbating, I have to take frequent breaks, which puts me out of the mood.

[Heather]

I think it might help to go ahead and think about this as a disability, honestly, because it effectively acts like one: it's a thing about your body that presents limits and that requires adaptations to do some things.

Something I know as someone with hand disability since I was a kid, that I have always known, is that my hand disability presents limits and to do some things I want to do, I have to do them differently than others would, which can include how I think about them. There are some things I can't so at all. There are some things where I just need certain things to do them when others wouldn't. But for me? That's my normal for over 40 years, so it's just part of how I go about things with that being and feeling normal.

So, for me, for example -- and sometimes cramping absolutely is an issue for me -- were I to have a hand cramp during masturbation or sex with a partner where I was using my hand, I might switch hands or do something else entirely or take a few minutes break to just breathe and focus on my emotions or thoughts for a little bit and get into those, rather than as much on physical sensations. But one thing I'd also try to do is be accepting of my limits and needs: I know that if I get into a headspace where I get mad at my body or myself, I for sure am not likely to stay excited and feeling good. I think that if you might treat your cramping like this -- which is what I mean by thinking of it as disability -- it might be easier to find ways to keep those times when you cramp exciting and arousing without disruption, be that things you do or ways you think. Make sense?

[Heather]

Also, when I do get in a bad headspace about having limitations, I try to also just remind myself that literally EVERYONE does.

Everyone doesn't have the same ones or have the same ones at the same time. Everyone's levels and areas of limitation differ. Not everyone's limitations are as easy or as hard to manage as those of others. You get it: it's really not that any of us have them and others don't so much as who has what limitations.

[Imbluedabadee]

That does make sense. I guess I'll have to work on not being so frustrated when my hands cramp. I hate the interruption, but I suppose it's something I'll have to deal with until I can buy toys, or at least protection for DIY toys.

[Heather]

Or work it out so it isn't really something you even think of as an interruption so much. Like, what if what it is is a break to do other things?

Was there anything in that DIY piece that looked like something you could do or adapt? And if the issue is access to condoms, might your school nurses office have them? Or, might you have a local clinic or community center within walking or bus distance?

[Imbluedabadee]

I live in a small, rural town. The nurse barely has pads, much less condoms, and the nearest clinic or community center is miles away. We also don't have local transportation systems other than school buses.

What do you mean by a break to other things exactly?

[Heather]

Ah, I understand. In the event you ever can get to a clinic or community center, though, do be sure to check for condoms: you can grab a big bunch if they have them to stock up!

I mean a break to do things like focus more on your fantasies or feelings instead of the physical bits, or a break to do something different with your hand that isn't the kind of thing that gives you cramps.