ovulation

[moonlightbae]

hey, can you guys tell me how likely I am to be pregnant if we had sex on ovulation day (I know this because my doctor told me) but we used condoms + withdrawal?
Didn't see any leaks or breaks in the condom.
thanks!

[Heather]

No one can tell anyone that, alas! There are simply too many factors that are unknown or variable for us to have a universal figure for that question.

Too, unless you saw a doctor for a pelvic exam on a day you were ovulating, when that doctor was determining you were actually pregnant, or a doctor was looking at very detailed daily fertility charting over at least a few months, a doctor cannot tell someone when they were ovulating with any accuracy unless that person became pregnant. Flatly, I'd reconsider seeing a doctor who told you they could, because then you have to wonder what else they don't know or are not being honest about.

[moonlightbae]

Yes, she have me a pelvic exam and said that it's possible ovulation day. So how many chances of pregnancy if I had protected sex that day? (condoms and withdrawal)

[Heather]

I still can't answer that question. Neither could anyone else. No one can say what % chance there is of becoming pregnant on a given day for someone just knowing they were ovulating. We can't give per-day rates of effectiveness or risk for birth control methods either, because those are only measured over the span of a year, not a day, because, again, there are simply too many other variable and differences from person to person and day to day and such to have that kind of figure.

I do find it strange, given that you know how afraid of pregnancy you are (you have made this clear in other posts here), even when you do things like use condoms, that you chose to have intercourse that day. That you saw a doctor, had a pelvic, that she said you were ovulating, and that you chose to have sex. You had to know that it would wind up scaring you and freaking you out.

Can I check in with you that you are with a partner where you feel like you have a real choice? Where you would feel totally fine, and feel you would be easily supported, saying no to intercourse any time, or even saying no to it all around, period, because you feel so scared of some of its possible consequences? Are you choosing to do things that scare you because there are other benefits and positives, or are you having sex you don't actually feel comfortable having or don't want?

[moonlightbae]

So I am at real risk of pregnancy now?

[Heather]

I believe you already know from previous posts that it is our policy not to engage with pregnancy scares and that we're not going to do that with you. In the event you've forgotten, I'd be glad to post our policy again.

I *would* be glad to continue a discussion with you based on the things I asked in my last response to you if you'd like. But I will not engage with a pregnancy scare in the way you are asking me to.

[moonlightbae]

Can you post it? But please don't lock the thread. I still wanna discuss.
There was no leak or break in the condom, so I'm pretty sure I'm not at a real risk, am I right?

[Heather]

Here is that policy again. Please respect our limits here: I hear you saying what you want, but understand we are NOT going to engage in pregnancy scare talk with you like this and we need you to respect that boundary instead of continuing to try to push past it. Thank you.

We will not answer ANY questions about pregnancy fear or anxiety in our direct services from users who are not pregnant or who are not or have not otherwise been directly involved with an actual pregnancy.

Please do not post this kind of question. If you are seeing this text, and your thread is locked, it is because you have posted this kind of question.

We CAN and WILL talk about things like:
• choosing and using a method or methods of contraception for any future sexual activity
• creating your own sexual limits and boundaries based on your needs and/or presenting them to any partners
• making sexual choices that suit your own needs, abilities and limitations, including your own readiness for certain possible risks
• help locating or using emergency contraception if and when you have had a pregnancy risk
• discussing options with a real, existing pregnancy, and help finding and accessing those options, such as abortion services and pre-natal care, or discussing feelings or concerns about a past pregnancy
• help with anxiety like locating mental health services, sound self-help or asking for support from friends or family

For help dealing with a scare (including what poses a risk and your next steps based on your unique situation), you may use our tool on site built for this purpose: The Pregnancy Panic Companion.
For help with anxiety, click here.
For related help and information at Scarleteen, click here.
If you would like more information about this policy, click here.

[moonlightbae]

I don't know if I can ask you this, but have you ever ecountered anyone on this forum who could have possible been pregnant or had a real risk?

[Heather]

That’s okay to ask, though I don’t know that I understand why you’re asking, and absolutely. We have had many users over the years who have come in and posted about situations where there was totally unprotected sex, or assault where they didn’t get a choice about contraception, or people using methods incorrectly, etc. Once it became available, we have counseled many people about emergency contraception and suggested it for many. Over the years we have also talked with actually pregnant people and helped them do things like get an abortion or find pre-natal care.

If you’re asking this because you worry we’d be silent about someone who had a risk, might become pregnant and who could do something about it if we only said something, know that does not happen here because a) we are not terrible people and b) no one here wants anyone to be or become pregnant if and when they do not want to be. That’s one reason why we do so much work around - and try so hard to have conversations about - proper use of contraception, consent and helping people to negotiate sex so they are not part of it if they don’t want to be or don’t feel ready or comfortable with any part of it, pregnancy risks included.

It sounds to me like you are probably agreeing to sex you don’t want when it comes to just not feeling comfortable, or it setting off your anxiety disorder. I would still very much love to help you in any way we can to make it so you’re only having sex if and when YOU want and if and when you feel okay about it before, during and after.

[moonlightbae]

Speaking about myself, I love sex and being all sexy with my boyfriend, so the main issue there is the pregnancy scare. I know it was a stupid idea to have sex on possible the most fertile day of my cycle, but everytime we have sex we usually trust two contraceptive methods (mentioned before).
There was actually one time when we weren't using anything at all - that time I took Plan B, even if I knew that these days weren't my fertile days, but knowing me, I don't want to freak out all month till I get my period. I took it for the safety of myself.
Didn't know why I agreed to go without protection - maybe I thought everything will be alright, but after that I didn't feel secure with my self and couldn't find a piece of mind.
Thinking now, I may have taken the EC unnecessary because it was just after my period and my fertile window isn't anywhere near. But I'd rather play it safe than maybe have a child I can't raise.
When it comes to sex, my lovely significant other understands my needs and always asks if I really want to do it. We talked about this numerous times, he's carrying his head on his shoulders and thinks not about himself only, but about me, too. This time I wasn't pushed to do anything I don't want to do - it was nothing like that. I don't feel pressure or anger from him when I don't feel like having sex. It's always about consent.
Sometimes I get a little shy when I'm not wearing clothes around him even though he loves me the way I am and adores my body. I'm still slowly working on that because I want to feel confident and sexy when I'm naked around him. It's just something in my mind that keeps me going on and thinking that maybe I'm not beautiful.
Hope you understand, always grateful for your support.

[Heather]

Well, that's all great news, for the most part. Thanks for filling me in.

So, if I have this right, what it sounds like is that you very much WANT to do the sexual things you're doing, you just aren't comfortable doing them because of the pregnancy fears they drum up for you. It sounds like the issue here is mostly about EITHER figuring out how to either say no to these kinds of sex while you work on learning how to dial down, get rid of and/or manage those fears OR managing those fears (we're happy to have you here, but coming here in a panic and trying to get someone else to talk you down doesn't count) so you can have the sex you want and enjoy without this panicky aftermath.

I say this is mostly good news because learning how to do things like this is generally a lot easier than trying to accept something is abusive, then get out of it, or learning how to say no to sex you don't want but keep saying yes to. On the whole, this sounds like a simpler issue of just learning a pretty common life/growth thing of how to say no to, limit or change the way you do the things you like but aren't good for you in some way.

How does that all sound?

[moonlightbae]

I'm really trying to get rid of the fears and I think sometimes I feel fine. But after sometime I think maybe something had gone wrong, you know, and he didn't tell me? I always ask him if everything was fine and he always assures me it was. I know he won't lie because of my anxiety, and if something went wrong we would discuss it straigt after the intercourse (to get a pill or smth).
Next month I'll start my birth control pills and they say to have you protected from the first day if I take them on my first day of period. Should we still use condoms while I'm on pill?

[Heather]

By all means, if you're choosing to engage in intercourse while still struggling with all this anxiety about pregnancy (something I personally have mixed feelings about, especially as part of the place you come to afterwards in such a state, you know?), I think it's pretty vital you do all you can do for yourself to reduce your risks as much as possible.

Mind, you still may not feel any less anxiety: I suspect that probably you're only going to find you feel less anxiety if and when you actually get some help and treatment for that anxiety. Is that something you're open at all to trying to seek out?

[moonlightbae]

Yes, I'm currently seeking help and have sessions with my therapist.

[Sam W]

That's awesome to hear! Have you discussed this pattern of fears with them at all?

[moonlightbae]

Unfornately I haven't.
I'm too afraid they'll look at me like I'm stupid or smth

[Sam W]

Okay, so it sounds like that's your next step then. You're certainly not the first person to be afraid of raising an issue with a counselor because you're worried about how they will react. It may help to remember that counselors are there to support and help you, not pass judgement on you, and they're trained to meet their clients where they are. Would it help to have some tools to help you have that conversation with them?

[moonlightbae]

Yes, sure! I don't know where to begin actually

[Heather]

How about by saying, "I often struggle with severe and chronic anxiety about pregnancy, even when I am using very effective methods of birth control."

[moonlightbae]

I think that would definitely work!

[moonlightbae]

By the way, I don't know exactly where to ask this kind of question, BUT:
Do I need to have extra protection if I recently started the pill? Some people are saying that if it's the first pack in your life ever, even if you started taking from the first day of your period, you should still use protection (condoms) for 7 days. Should we still be taking that precaution or I'm safe to rely on the pill?
I started my first pack ever (I've never taken any kind of birth control in my life) on the first day of my period.

[Heather]

We have a great primer on using the pill on the main site (please remember we ask users to look for answers there before posting here on the boards!) here: Combined Oral Contraceptives (The Pill).

It includes the answer to that question:

When you first start the pill, when it will be fully effective depends both on when you start it, as well as your own body chemistry. For most people who start the pill either on the first day of their period or the first Sunday after a period, any brand of combination pill will likely be effective after seven days of use, but here at Scarleteen, as many other credible sources suggest, we advise users to give their pills one full cycle before going without a backup to play it safe.

But too, since you already know how much pregnancy anxiety you get, I think it's smart to figure that you'll always want to err on the side of caution, and also always do what you can to take the least risk. What is MOST effective at preventing pregnancy is using two methods, not just one, so pill + condoms (or some other reliable method) is probably the best way to go for you period, not just temporarily.

[moonlightbae]

What about withdrawal + the pill? Would it be effective after the first 7 days?

[Siân]

Our article here gives the effectiveness ratings for different combinations of birth control: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method

Withdrawal + the combined pill is 97.6% effective with typical use. As Heather said above, for most people who start the pill either on the first day of their period or the first Sunday after a period, any brand of combination pill will likely be effective after seven days of use, but here at Scarleteen, as many other credible sources suggest, we advise users to give their pills one full cycle before going without a backup to play it safe.