How aroused do I have to be for penetration?

[roxfoxreal]

Hey guys I recently went and bought my first ever vibrator (whoop whoop!). I tried to use it last night but it hurt when I tried to put it in? I was definitely aroused as I was reading erotic stories and watching porn beforehand! I talked to my friends about it and they suggested lube. I thought since I was already wet that I could forego the lube? What do you think?

Also the I checked the thickest part of the vibrator’s measurements and it’s actually slightly smaller than the average penis girth (according to several websites but again it’s just the “average” so it is not the most reliable for individuals). Now I’m kind of scared to have penetrative sex if the penis will be larger than that! I had always imagined myself being fine because I would be properly aroused, I had blamed them not being ready for people who said it was painful but now I’m second guessing myself.

[Heather]

So, this is something where you're going to find out what works fort you by experimenting.

For one, you do probably want to experiment with lube, not without and start by using it, then only go without (or don't add more) when things do feel good, you know?

The vagina is generally a very stretchy canal: remember that a penis is a much smaller thing than often passes through the vagina in a lifetime: whole infants co through that canal!

I'm not sure why you have been blaming people around any pain they have had during intercourse or other sex like it (?), but there are a lot of reasons why people can have pain with intercourse, from certain health conditions to partners who are too rough or hasty, to sexual or other trauma histories, to not even wanting that kind of sex much in the first place to lack of arousal or relaxation or lube...it's a pretty big list.

But assuming this is something you want to do, you'll find out what works for you by trying different things at different times and seeing how it all feels. For sure, lube makes a big difference for most people, so that's a good starting place. So is just sitting a toy right at the opening of your vagina first and seeing how that feels, then very, very gradually inserting it to see how that feels, and only doing more when what you're already doing feels good. Make sense?

[roxfoxreal]

That does make a lot of sense thank you! Blame wasn’t the right word to use here. I just had figured that from my friends personal experiences with sex and their first time that they weren’t quite ready. They’ve all said they wished that they waited a little longer so that’s where that assumption came from. I didn’t mean to shame anyone and am sorry if it came across that way.

[Siân]

You're welcome! And no worries.