Partner stimulation is meh

[Whatever]

I am a bit of a masturbation addict and can get off any where from 0 to 10 or more times a day. (Depending on how tired I am and if I'm on break or not)

I am kind of afraid that this affects me in the bed room because I rarely enjoy any kind of sexual action with another person. I've had lots of sexual encounters, but I've stayed away from vaginal sex because I don't think it will do much for me.

As just something else to throw in here, I also have so gender insecurities that affect me a lot when it comes to getting undressed with a partner. I think that I have an objectively attractive body, but I generally don't like it anyways. I particularly hate my chest, but ironically, that's the only place that partner stimulation ever works for me (but it's never strong enough to bring me anywhere nearing climax).

I know that I have a sex drive because I get turned on and enjoy kind of grinding up against my partner, but the minute he focuses on trying to actually please me, I start feeling nothing. This is generally disappointing so I try to keep things not focused on me.

Also, I've read that some women don't get pleasure from the so called "G spot" and I think that might apply to me. As far as masturbation goes, I can get off through some penetration and clitoral stimulation, but I mainly get off to humping a pillow.

I really just want sex to not be an utter disappointment and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for me or my partner. I know this post is a bit disorganized and I'm sorry about that.

[Siân]

Hey

Welcome to the boards!

I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. Figuring out what you like for yourself through masturbation is a great start; it's not something that is you can be addicted to really (although if it is getting in the way of other parts of your life like work, school or hobbies then we can talk about that).

Because you know what you like when you're alone or in certain situations, it makes me think that there's something else going on when you're with a partner that's shutting those feelings down when the attention turns to you. Our biggest sex organ is our brain, so what we're thinking or feeling is really important to how sex feels - and can really hit the brakes if we're feeling something is out of place. Does that sound familiar?

When you're with a partner and their attention turns to you, how do you feel? Are you generally happy and relaxed? Or do your feelings about your body and your gender come up? (We're totally here for talking about the gender stuff if you're up to it).

[millstreet]

I'm hearing that things are great when you're by yourself but as soon as a partner is added into the mix, your arousal goes downhill. As Sian said, what is it about the partner that your body is saying "no" to - their presence? The way they're stimulating you? The person themselves?

If you seem to be attracted to the individual you are have sexual interactions with and you know how you like to stimulate yourself, how would you feel about showing them how to stimulate you? This way, you know it's something that feels good and showing is even sexy sometimes.