Why can I only orgasm with a vibrator

[Ihatemyusername]

I have been with my partner for a few years and was sexually active with a previous partner and have received manual and oral sex from both and neither of them could cause me to orgasm. I decided to try a vibrator and even though I didn't expect much, and it took a long time (or at least it felt like it did) I finally had my first orgasm. I felt bad initially but my partner was just happy for me although they want to be involved in the process eventually, but they're giving me space while I'm experimenting. The concern I have is, sometimes I have had an orgasm right away since then, and sometimes I still don't get one at all. It's actually been awhile since I've had one, though I feel myself coming close. I've heard things that say you can actually permanently de-sensitize yourself if you only use a vibrator but seeing as though it's the only thing that has ever worked, I don't want to give it up, but are there any risks or anything I can do to become more consistent? As it stands now, I need a pretty powerful one on a high setting.

Additional information: I'm a chronic pain patient and am on some pain and anxiety meds that may be hindering me, but I have had trouble with orgasms even before then.

[Jacob]

Hey there!

With your average shop-bought vibrator you're never going to desensitise yourself. Any injury that bad would hurt!

In fact the only examples I know are of builders who can lose sensation in their hands after years of using vibrators that are used to smash concrete for long periods of time.

So I don't think this can be the issue. In fact masturbation is a great way to learn more about your orgasm.

It isn't easy for everyone to orgasm... partnered or not. Many people bring vibrators into their partnered sex for this very reason. From what you're saying here though, it sounds like you are feeling stressed and nervous around orgasms and what they mean for you. It makes sense to me that you would struggle to feel relaxed with that going on.

Do you think your mood could be contributing? If so could maybe addressing this be helpful all around?

[Ihatemyusername]

Edit: I have discussed personal health issues which have made me anxious so I decided to remove that part of the discussion as its hard to talk about. As long as I know that using a vibrator cannot cause permanent damage/de-sensitization or worse I will feel better.

[Siân]

Sure, you get to decide what you want to share here. If you want to talk some more about the ways you've been feeling and how that could relate to how you feel in sex we're here.