More Apologies

[cityofthedead]

(The topic title probably has nothing to do with this particular discussion board. It was literally all I could think of to name it.)

I'm having trouble forgiving myself for my "shady" (for lack of a better word) history on these forums. The horrible, horrible shit I've shared on these forums shows the obstructiveness of my psychological nature as a man, as someone with a penis and a pair of testicles. As someone who at least respects and at most actively cares for others and their rights and freedom, regardless of their biological sex and gender identity, I feel as if I really exist to do the opposite of that given my previous behavior on these forums, and the fact that I am a member of the group of people who are incapable of experiencing menstruation and pregnancy. I want people to love me for who I am, and many do, but it has and might always (not like 24-7, but rather periodically) gnaw at my conscience being a member of the population who can't experience potential life growing inside of them. I don't feel like I would be better off as someone with a uterus because I think experiencing menstruation and pregnancy is fun. I feel like I would be better off as someone with a uterus because, from reading and hearing about these particular people's experiences, I know it isn't fun and thus, I'd be setting better standards for the caring, understanding person I really want to be, and I wouldn't have said the disgusting shit I've said before. I know that I can feel right in my body and my skin, and I have. It just feels like I have been doing it at the expense of a group of people have a lot more going on in their bodies, especially in terms of reproductive functioning.

[al]

Hi cityofthedead,

I'm glad to hear that you're continuing to think about how to be a caring and respectful person to everyone - it's a hard thing to do, and a lifelong process.

One thing that may be helpful for you is to try and absorb as much information as possible - reading through articles here at Scarleteen and looking at similar resources is a good start. This short article by Madison Feller at Elle also gives a few suggested actions for people who want to be allies to folks who could get pregnant. Learning more about and listening to other people's perspectives/experiences is something that really helps when you're trying to be show respect and care. A web search for "Shout Your Abortion" will lead you to a whole archive of people's first-hand experiences of abortion and difficulty with issues of reproductive justice.

That's about all I've got for now. Just a heads up - right now is a difficult time for a lot of people who fall into those categories of "could get pregnant" or "could have gotten pregnant", so focusing on supporting and providing services for those folks is our priority at the moment.

[cityofthedead]

Thank you, Al. I'm open to learning more about extremely poor governmental decisions like the Alabama abortion prohibition (and other such legal implements in other states and around the world) and people's experiences without reproductive justice and autonomy, in addition to the experiences of people with that justice and autonomy. Again, thank you for the advice and information. I shall learn to accept and play my role as an ally in situations like this, learn to move on from the past and my actions of the past, and learn to accept myself and my body and to allow others to accept me and my body.