Scarleteen is closed for the next two days, so that's Thursday, October 31st (for Halloween) and Friday, November 1st (for Diwali). We'll be back and able to answer your questions on Saturday. Catch you soon!

past mistakes

Questions and discussion about sexual or other abuse or assault, and support and help for survivors.
Forum rules
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.

This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
rhkc
newbie
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 02, 2019 3:04 pm
Age: 23
Pronouns: Sarah
Location: United Kingdom

past mistakes

Unread post by rhkc »

My boyfriend made some mistakes on me but I forgave him. However he keeps saying that he is low, worthless and putting himself down. Also he has gotten really angry recently whenever I would ask him not to do somethings or say if i was upset with something he did even if i say it in the nicest way possible. I think its because this makes him feel even more low about himself. How do I make him feel better about himself? I don't want him to be angry anymore.
Jacob
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 1154
Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:33 am
Age: 35
Primary language: English
Pronouns: They
Location: Leeds UK

Re: past mistakes

Unread post by Jacob »

Hi rhkc!

It sounds like your boyfriend has a few issues, but from what you've said here, it sounds like you're very very likely not positioned as the best person to help him. I understand you don't want him to feel pain and anger, but we can't make anyone feel better about themselves or treat us better.

Let me explain why:

You haven't said what mistakes he has made, but it sounds like he has behaved badly towards you in the past and asked for your forgiveness, which you have agreed to. This means he and you have acknowledged that something in his behaviour needed to change.

However, putting himself down means that (whether he knows it or not) he has an excuse for not doing better. Lots of people who hurt others feel worthless, not-good-enough-to-do-better, or feel attacked.

If that was the only thing I would advise that you talk to him about it, but it sounds like this is something you have already tried and he reacted with anger. That doesn't sound safe OR helpful to me.

Instead I would advise maybe not speaking to him more about it but to start thinking about you.

How are you coping with this, what do you feel like you need?
"In between two tall mountains there's a place they call lonesome.
Don't see why they call it lonesome.
I'm never lonesome when I go there." Connie Converse - Talkin' Like You
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post