I need help...

[Heather]

I'm still feeling confused, but I do just hope that if your ex has asked you not to contact him anymore (I don't know if he has), that's a thing you'll respect, even if the basis of the ask feels unfair, which I'd certainly understand.

I also hope that if what you're going to do is about trying to get back together with this person, you'll be sure to think strongly in the interest of your own self-care, especially at such a critical time in your life around it, when it comes to if this person or relationship are a wise and emotionally safe choice for you. That's all.

[Heather]

Hey there, Idontknow. I've been thinking of you and hoping you're doing well.

I also wanted to make sure that you saw this news this morning, because of the ways you expressed feeling about all this when it came to partnership: https://www.theguardian.com/society/201 ... ansmission

<3

[Idontknow13]

Hello it's being a loooong time. kinda a lot has happened. We had talked a couple of times and even had phone calls. We just talking just to know how we are doing. He once texted me and told me he thinks about me and that all of this is a lot for him. He is pretty hurt as it seems. Another thing is that I'm almost undetectable, and my immune system is getting better. He knows this but it's still a lot and the last time we talked on a phone call he told me it was good but that he needs to know everything if he is with me but that he just feels like I will keep things from him. He told me he didn't want me to wait for him that he wanted me to feel good. He has struggled with his health as well bc of all the stress he had and that right now is better to keep going and who knows if we like another person or maybe in the future we try to get together and yeah. He recently talked to me and even tried to call me but I didn't answer, the next day I tried to called him (it was kinda late) and he didn't answer and he didn't try to called me back.

[Siân]

I don't really see what more you can do here to change the situation with this person you know? As Heather said, if they've made it clear that they don't want to be in a relationship with you now, it's time to respect that - hard as it is. From everything you've said, it's clear you already HAVE done what you can and it's time to focus on looking after yourself right now. Does that make sense?

[Idontknow13]

Yeah I know I kept my distance and we just talked a few times just to check on each other. I've been just taking care of myself but that doesn't mean I think about him sometimes but it's just a matter of time for me until I'm completely over it

[Sam W]

Hi Idon'tknow,

Glad to hear you've been looking after yourself and that you're doing well! And you're right that it's totally normal to still think about an ex from time to time, especially when the break-up is pretty fresh. That being said, do you feel like that occasional contact with him is prolonging any sadness from the break-up that you may still be feeling?

I also just want to check in and see how you're doing in terms of other support systems. Are there friends or family who know your diagnosis and who you can talk to about it and any feelings it (or the treatment) might bring up for you?

[Idontknow13]

Some friends of mine know it but it's not like we talked about that a lot. What I notice it's that I'm afraid to date. Its kinda hard for me. It brings me a little bit down when we talked but at the same times I feel some ease bc I get to know how he is doing

[Heather]

Do you want to talk about what has you feeling afraid? (And if now even feels like the right time for you to date in the first place?) . If so, we're happy to do that with you. <3

[Idontknow13]

No i don't think is the right time I don't find it right. Idk it just that I would have to talk about it and see how people will react what scares me

[Siân]

It is scary to tell someone new that you are living with an STI, and unfortunately you can't control or even always predict their response. Yes, there is a risk of rejection - and I'm sure your recent experience with this partner is a reminder of that - but people with HIV date and have sex and fall in love all the time.

I think Sam's point about support systems is important - you said you've talked to some friends about this but not a lot, is that something you'd like to do more of? What about reaching out to HIV support networks, either in person or online?

[Idontknow13]

I don't want to talk about that with them. It doesn't even affect my health or anything. I don't keep thinking I have hiv I just take my pill and that is. It's just I'm a little afraid of being rejected but I try to act confident about it. I was thinking about that, maybe I need to hear more stories about this.

[Heather]

Even when having HIV ins't having a big impact on your physical health, it's pretty unavoidable for it to impact your mental health and how you socialize, sometimes in really big ways. There's just much too much stigma in the world around HIV for anyone to avoid feeling that impact, you know?

I agree, I think reading or listening to some other people's stories might help you out some.

The HIV information site AVERT has a good archive of stories here: https://www.avert.org/living-with-hiv/stories
POZ also has some, as well: https://www.poz.com/category/poz-stories
PositivelyUK also has an archive of stories: http://positivelyuk.org/personal-stories/

You might also look into an in-person support group. Here are some resources in your area, including support groups: https://www.browardconnections.org/hiv-aids.html