Gay Sex ?

[Raypkm]

Today for the first time I penetrated a guy. I've been penetrated before and that's nice and all but I'm bisexual so I wanted to top. When I entered him I didn't feel anything. I'm very concerned. I entered him in many different ways and didn't feel anything at all. However I masterbate and have received oral sex. What could've caused this? Is it because I'm un circumsized? Was there something wrong with him? Am I desensitized ? Help please

[Heather]

When people say they "didn't feel anything," that is rarely what they mean. In other words, they usually do not mean that they literally could not feel their own bodies having contact with someone else or being touched.

Do you in fact mean you literally had no sensation, where you could not even feel that physical contact?

If not, can you give us a better sense of what you do mean, like that you did not feel what you expected to, or that the sensation was more mild than you were expecting, or that a given sexual activity or experience was not very pleasurable for you, or...?

[Raypkm]

What I mean is that I didn't feel any sexual pleasure from the experience. Even though I feel as though I should have felt something. I've felt sexual pleasure before but when I penetrated him it just felt... Unfulfilling and numb

[Heather]

Well, not every sexual activity or sexual experience is pleasurable for people, or is all the time. I would disagree that just because we do something sexual it "should" feel good. Sometimes it will and sometimes it won't, and when it doesn't that does not mean something was wrong with someone else.

It can just mean, for instance, that particular sexual activity is not our thing (it may be the kind of super-constricted feeling anal sex tends to provide for the partner entering the other's anus is not a feeling you find enjoyable), or maybe we just were not feeling it that day, or maybe we were not as turned on first as we could be (especially since that is the biggest reason anything is likely to feel good in the first place). It may be you need to experiment some more, like by adding more lube or using a different kind, or switching up the kind of condom you are using, or engaging in another kind of sex with this kind.

So, where you go from here really depends on what you want. You can try this again, with this partner or another, to see if maybe you are into it, but just were not this time or that day, or if you needed an adjustment you did not try. Or, you can take a pass on it for now, or as long as you want, if you just feel like your takeaway from that was that it just isn't all that for you.

[Raypkm]

You're right I'll try to experiment again. Thank you for the help!

[Heather]

By the by, just so you know, it is very common for people to report their expectations with sex where their genitals were entered - be that the vagina or anus - were nothing close to met.

A lot of people seem to have pretty unrealistic expectations in this department, especially if they expect it to be awesome right off the bat, or awesome the first time they do it with a new partner.

Some of that may never be rectified for some, but for most, it is more likely just about experimentation and practice, to figure out, over time, the ways that kind of activity feels good, and what they need for it to feel good.