my little sister is having sex

[vra]

My little sister just told me she is having sex with her boyfriend of fewer than 3 months. She met the guy 6ish months ago. She isn't on birth control and I assume and pray to god that she is using a condom. I know that condoms alone are not as reliable as you would think. When she told me I felt disgusted. I didn't say anything right away about how it made me feel. I have had a strict Christian upbringing and have been taught that when an unmarried woman has sex she is unpure and less than righteous (even though I don't really follow it). I believe I feel disgusted partially because of that and the fact that she is not being as safe as she should be. I have an IUD and I don't even have sex (but that is bc I don't want to so it is unrelated). I would just rather be safe than sorry. I don't want to feel disgusted because I love her. I may not agree with what she does but loving and agreeing are two different things. I just don't know how to go about adjusting my thoughts. I worry about her safety. She is 18 and has no job. I don't want her to realize that she is being unsafe too late.

[Jacob]

Hi vra,

Disgust is a really strong word for just being concerned for your sisters sexual health, so I understand why you are worried about feeling this way. None of us want to have feelings like that towards people we love and care about. I wonder what else might be going on here and how we can help.

There isn't anything disgusting or wrong with your sister being sexual, even if she's younger than you, or doesn't have a job. Employment (thankfully!) isn't a necessity for a healthy enjoyable sex life. But it sounds like you partially do already know that.

It sounds like the religious teachings have strongly influenced how you feel about sex... even if they don't completely dictate how you think about sex.

My guess would be that your closeness and care for your sister make 'sex' feel a lot closer to you than it usually does. Do you think that's possible?

A couple of things I'd suggest are to give your sister more space to talk to you about her sex life... not only would it perhaps help you feel more used to the idea, it could also make her more comfortable seeking advice and support from you. All you'd need to do there is to tell your sister you care about her and to listen to what she shares.

How do you think that would go?