Terrified to get a pelvic exam

[Nuttyfluff]

Supposedly the doctor inserts 2 fingers into your vag. I can't even do that to myself. The pain would be excruciating. Also, I had something done once where the doc inserted just one finger and it was REALLY uncomfortable.

And the part about the gyno inserting a finger into your anus just completely freaks me out. I can hardly stand to even think about it.

I know women get this done all the time and that it isn't supposed to be any big deal but my heart is racing just thinking about it.

I'm not sure what my question is but can someone say something helpful. I'd appreciate it.

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards.

So, before anything else: is this something you're concerned about because you need a pelvic exam now or soon? For instance, are you sexually active, so it's time to start with STI tests and bimanual exams? Or are you having some kind of issue with any of this anatomy?

[Nuttyfluff]

I've never had sex. My doctor suggested it for some other reason.

[Sam W]

Got it. Did your healthcare provider say why they were recommending it? And, if so, did they give you a sense of how soon it needed to be done?

Too, with your concerns about discomfort, while things like pelvic exams don't feel great, your healthcare provider should be taking steps to make them as painless as possible. That includes using lube, and talking with you ahead of time if you have any concerns or worries about pain. If your appointment is soon, we can talk about some ways to relax during it, or how to talk to your healthcare provider about your concerns if that would be helpful?

With the rectal exam, is there a particular element of it that's freaking you out? It may also help to know that not every exam will include that portion.

[Nuttyfluff]

I have a family history of ovarian cancer. I don't have an appointment yet. I'm putting it off because I'm nervous.

What freaks me out about someone sticking their finger up my butt??!! Um, I don't know what words to use to explain why that would make me nervous. Maybe other people aren't bothered by it?

[Heather]

Given your age, honestly, it still seems a little early for you to need those exams unless you've been having any symptoms that concern anyone.

What I'd suggest is that you call whatever OB/GYN your general doctor is suggesting and make an appointment that is ONLY a consultation: not an exam. Most doctors of all specialities will do that.

What that appointment can give you is this:
1) You and this doctor can consult to see if you even need this exam yet. Like I said, unless you are having symptoms that suggest ovarian concerns, since you're not sexually active, it seems pretty unlikely you even need this kind of healthcare just yet. Your doctor may not be the best person to determine that: an OB/GYN is a much better kind of provider to make that determination.
2) If they think you do need an exam, you can talk with them in advance of one. Just being able to create an initial relationship with a healthcare provider before an exam can help a lot. But they can also tell you exactly what to expect, and you can ask for things that might help you feel more comfortable with it. For example, some providers might prescribe an anti-anxiety medication that helps some patients. As well, if you feel extra uncomfortable with a rectal, it may be they can plan not to do that portion of the exam (and if this is a screening for ovarian cancer and only that, by all means, a rectal won't be needed).

I do think it's safe to say that a lot of people have fear and anxiety when it comes to their rectum and anus. That's something that a lot of people are socially/culturally conditioned to have, so it's hardly uncommon. We can talk about why you feel that way if you want, regardless of if you're getting a rectal exam, if you think that'll be helpful to you.