Advice For A Possibly Bisexual Person

[Affenbrotbaum]

I'm pretty excited as this is my first post, so we'll see how it goes.

I am a 16 year old male and I have identified as gay for the last several years. I came out to my family a while back and they've always been super supportive. I haven't told any of my friends yet because it's just not really in the nature of things we talk about and truth be told it's a little intimidating. They are all pretty cool though, so when the time comes that I'm ready for that I think they'll all be fine with it.

I've always been romantically and sexually attracted to guys, but lately I've been having some sexual feelings for girls. I feel pretty confused and I'm starting to question my sexual identity all over again. I've fantasized about having boyfriends, but I just don't think about girls romantically. I know that bisexuality isn't just an equal preference for both genders, and I was thinking maybe this weird mixture of sexual feelings for guys and girls and romantic feelings for guys only could mean I'm bisexual?

Another thing I've been thinking about is my family. Do I come out to them again? After being so sure that I was gay for so many years, will identifying as bi make me look like I'm flip flopping and not serious?

Thank you in advance for any advice, and I will look forward to your replies.

[Alice M]

Hi Affenbrotbaum, welcome to Scarleteen and I'm excited for your post too!

Nobody can dictate your orientation or identity -- you alone get to decide. I recommend that you read this article as it goes over the basic of what this all means:
The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
Please do come back with any questions, comments or need to talk about anything in that deeper.

I have some cool news for you: you are not alone. Many people find that they experience their sexual orientation differently over the years and/or that it can take a long time to figure out. I know people in their 30's and 40's (and likely beyond) who are still sorting out their various identities!

When it comes down to it, you're the only person who gets to make these decisions re: coming out, in addition to making/changing your label(s) in the first place. Some people may feel like, in order to live their authentic life, that they'd like to come out to their friends and family again with this new identity and possible new label(s). Others may feel that it's personal and not for sharing, except on a need to know basis or even sharing with a select group of friends or family.

So, there's no right or wrong approach, it's about your comfort level. I do hear you about worrying that people will interpret you as "flip flopping and not serious" as bisexuality/pansexuality does often get dismissed by some. This is unfortunate and I hope that you find it unacceptable if someone in your life doesn't take your self-discovery and identity as not being serious.

[Affenbrotbaum]

Thank you so much for your help, Alice. I'll continue to explore who I am, and in the meantime I'm glad I found such a cool place to talk about these things.

[Alice M]

You're welcome! Feel free to discuss this further here, with us, whenever!