Ashamed of an aspect of my sexuality.

[contemplation]

I've been debating making an account to ask this, but I think it'd be good to have some input.

To put it simply, I've got a foot fetish. I'm ridiculously ashamed of it, even though it brings me so much pleasure. I'm ashamed because of the stigmatization that all foot fetishists are "creeps" or "perverts". I'm worried that if I tell my partner, they'll judge me, or break up with me, or even label me as a freak and spread nasty rumors. It sucks, because it's a core aspect of my sexuality that I enjoy. I enjoy giving others pleasure from it, and I obtain pleasure from it.

How can I be less ashamed of my fetish? How can I tell my partner I've got a foot fetish without sounding weird?

[Mo]

Hi contemplation, and welcome to Scarleteen.

I'm sorry you've been feeling so much shame around this aspect of your sexuality. If it helps to hear it: liking feet doesn't make you a creep or a pervert, and there's nothing wrong with you for having that preference. I'm curious about the fears you have around telling your partner about your fetish. How much discussion have you had with each other about other sexual preferences so far, and how have those conversations gone? Has your partner said or done something that makes it seem likely that they might spread rumors or react poorly if they aren't interested in exploring this fetish with you, or is this fear coming more from comments you've heard elsewhere than from things your partner's said before?

One thing that might be helpful, when you're thinking about discussing your fetish with your partner, is focusing more specifically on ways you might like to explore that with them. Saying "I have a foot fetish" might leave your partner with a lot of questions or confusion if it isn't something they're familiar with, or if there are specific aspects they might not find appealing, but if you can name some specific things you'd like to do, that might be an easier way to start the conversation.

[contemplation]

The fear’s mainly been coming from comments I’ve seen about foot fetishists around the internet. I just don’t want someone to break up with me over it, especially if I care about them so much. We haven’t had any talk about sexual preferences yet, and I’m not really sure how to start that without being awkward.

Thanks for telling me I’m not a pervert, it helps a little bit.

[Heather]

A lot of people say garbage things about just about every kind of sex or sexuality, primarily based in their own ignorance, bias and/or fears. What random people say about things generally isn't something sound to base anything on, honestly.

In terms of talking to your partner, what's your sense of where they're at when it comes to sexuality? Do they seem pretty open minded, or...?

[contemplation]

Like I said, we haven't really talked about sex much. I don't really know anything about how open minded she is. I'm curious how to start that.

[Mo]

We do have an article with some tips on how to approach a conversation about sex with a partner; you may find that helpful: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner.
I think where you may want to start is seeing if she has any interest in talking about sex at all right now. If she does, and you get to a point where you're both sharing some details of sexual things you might want to explore together, that's when you could talk about some fetish-related things you are interested in.

[Amanda F]

Hey contemplation,

Great suggestions from the Scarleteen staff here! I wanted to echo Mo's comment - being into feet doesn't make you a creep or a pervert at all. It's perfectly normal for people to have sexual interests in various things. In fact, foot fetishes are one of the most common types of fetishes.

If/when you do discuss this with your girlfriend, I think you could frame it in the way that you did in your original post. You did a great job describing it: "it's a core aspect of my sexuality that I enjoy. I enjoy giving others pleasure from it, and I obtain pleasure from it." That sounds really positive, confident, and healthy. There's no trace of shame or stigma when you put it that way, and owning it so confidently can also send a message to your partner that this is a positive thing, not something to be concerned about.

[Redgirl]

Considering all the fetishes and sexual proclivities there are out there, a foot fetish seems pretty tame and harmless. I mean, it's just an area of particular interest for you. EVERYONE has something that turns them on. It's harmless and you shouldn't worry about it. believe me, if everyone's secret fantasies were brought to light, NO ONE would seem normal! You're not perverted. You'd seem less normal if you didn't have some little personal interests.