Asking to Have Sex Without Feeling Weird?

Any questions or discussions that you ONLY want to discuss with our staff or volunteers.
(Users: please do not reply to other users here.)
BuddyBoi21
not a newbie
Posts: 207
Joined: Thu Sep 27, 2018 8:16 pm
Age: 25
Awesomeness Quotient: My Eyes
Primary language: English
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
Sexual identity: Pansexual
Location: United States

Asking to Have Sex Without Feeling Weird?

Unread post by BuddyBoi21 »

Hey y'all,
So I'm recently single and letting myself go out and have casual sex. The problem is the last two times I had sex since leaving my relationship I wasn't super turned on at all. One of them I stopped halfway through and jist went home. The other I just didn't feel like I was "into it" even though I came, y'know?
So fast forward to two more weeks later to now.
Some comtext about me: I'm nonbinary, 9 months on T and 2 months post top surgery. I have a pack n play prosthetic that I use thanks to my ex so now I finally have learned how to orgasm during sex with a partner!
New problem is, I'm not having sex with anyone I'm attracted to. There's this super cute person I've been hanging out with casually lately. They seem interested in me and I'm certain I mentioned at least once that I'm not looking for anything serious but I have no idea of they wanna have sex.

I want to ask them but I don't wanna be seen as weird or creepy for asking. On another end I feel dense because what if they wanna have sex too and I'm just oblivious????
I just feel frustrated because I do like making out with them and cuddling and don't want to risk losing that because it's nice.
But I recognize I really want to have sex because masturbation doesn't feel the exact same anymore. It isn't as satisfying and sometimes it just doesn't feel fulfilling at all.

Talking to people, especially girls and more femme aligned people, I'm attracted to about sex drives my anxiety through the roof. On one hand I want to be direct and just say "hey I'm dtf if you are" but on another hand I'm just praying they look at me and tell me they wanna have sex.

I'm 20, I feel so awkward and embarrassed over this. How do I ask people that I'd like to have sex with them without being weird???????
Sam W
scarleteen staff/volunteer
Posts: 10023
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Asking to Have Sex Without Feeling Weird?

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Buddyboi,

Asking if someone is interested in sex with you is at least a little weird or awkward much of the time, especially when so many of us grow up with this "this is supposed to be effortless/you just know" message that's prevalent in a lot of media. But if you're direct and respectful about it, ultimately the worst that can happen is the person will say "no." And while "no" is no fun to hear, at least you have your answer.

With the current person, what if you said something like, "hey, I've really been enjoying cuddling/making out, would you be interested in trying some other things?" And if they say yes, then you two can talk about what you're mutually interested in trying. How does that approach sound?
BuddyBoi21
not a newbie
Posts: 207
Joined: Thu Sep 27, 2018 8:16 pm
Age: 25
Awesomeness Quotient: My Eyes
Primary language: English
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
Sexual identity: Pansexual
Location: United States

Re: Asking to Have Sex Without Feeling Weird?

Unread post by BuddyBoi21 »

This approach sounds good! I have a different topic that maybe should go into a new post. But this sounds like a good way to start the conversation!
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post