AFAB (nonbinary) minor, worries about sexual health

[dependantdragon]

Hi, I'm 16 and I believe my (adult) sister has PCOS (could be some other similar condition, I forget exactly), and I have also started having irregular periods about a year ago. I'm also autistic and really don't like the texture of pads so I stain my underwear a lot when I'm on my period because my pad is adjusted weirdly or I just don't want to put one on for a light flow day. Ideally I'd like to take birth control/have a treatment done that makes it so I don't have a period (I don't ever want to get pregnant, even if I do decide to have children) but according to my sister the condition she has makes it so that the normal birth control doesn't work (?) and I have a feeling that minors can't have such operations done on them. Plus there's also my parents, who I would never in a million years let them know that I masturbate quite frequently, but I feel like that's probably something I should mention if I go to a gynecologist about my irregular periods. I also sometimes get sore when masturbating- My motor control starts to shut down when I'm close, so I can't come with my hands, and generally use a pillow between my legs, which I'd gladly substitute for something more hygenic if I could obtain it and hide it from my parents- and have had several weird sores on my pubic region in the past that usually go away when I show them to my mom and she has me put medicine on them. The thing is that I'm not sure if I'm obligated to privacy as a minor, and also, what could I do if the doctor breaks confidentiality anyway, in the therorectical instance where I tell them about my habits? I really don't want my parents to find out, but I also obviously don't want to get sick. I want to have a healthy sex life when I get older.

[Siân]

Hi Flamy,

There are a few different things here, so I'll do my best to get to them each in turn. If you need to talk more about any of them we can do that!

First off, if pads aren't working for you for periods, there are other options such as washable period underwear, as well as reusable cottony pads, cups and tampons - one of which may feel better for you?

It does sound like it's a good idea to see a gynaecologist. Irregular periods are not unusual at your age, but can be a symptom of underlying issues. I'm more concerned about the sores you're getting - which are something that you should get checked out.

On confidentiality; in Illinois you can get access to certain types of sexual healthcare without parental consent (STI testing and birth control are legally accessible to you and will be confidential at Title X clinics and e.g. Planned Parenthood). When speaking to a gynaecologist, you can ask before making an appointment for them to confirm what they will share with your parents. Also, you don't have to share your masturbation habits (which are totally okay and normal btw) with your doctor to talk about your periods, but it may be relevant when talking about the sores.

[Kach2]

Hello. I'm 21, autistic and I identify as a trans man (binary, but nonconforming).
I believe I've got PCOS too, because I always had a certain hairiness and absurdly painful, irregular periods. I developed microcysts and my family members have had problems with their reproductive systems. I also have other symptoms that I believe are associated with the disease, but doctors aren't attentive and I never got a diagnosis, they just said I had microcysts and that I should use birth control (cyproterone, if I recall correctly).

I did use birth control but it didn't help with my hairiness. I don't remember them regulating my period, either. Basically they weren't all that effective. I haven't used them for a while now because I haven't been sexually active and I plan to start testosterone. Birth control has "female hormones" in it which isn't what I want - not sure about you. I remember my breasts seemed larger while I was on them.

You'd have to work this with your doctor.

Regarding the texture of pads, that's completely understandable. In my case I always used them, that's what my mother told me to do and I followed her advice. I find the texture uncomfortable sometimes too. You can use cloth pads or something similar. There are tampons, but I never used them in fear of forgetting that they're on.

There are also menstrual cups but they have to be inserted in your cervix, so they're not for everyone.

I don't know about the sores you have around your pubic area, I've been worried before about the appearance of my vulva but it turns out there was nothing abnormal, just a part of my anatomy (my labia is pretty big). If you shave or wax you will most likely get ingrown hairs.

Sometimes I get sore when/after masturbating but this usually happens when I am too vigorous or masturbate too frequently. I feel vaginal pain as well, especially during sex. Anyway, regarding using a pillow, maybe you can buy one specifically meant for... activities, and hide it from your parents somehow. I just use my fingers so I don't have much experience with toys or any other kind of aid, sorry.

Ask a gynecologist about your concerns, they will not tell your parents, I'm pretty sure. You can tell your mother that you want to see a gyno because you have some questions. Seeing a gynecologist can be kind of embarrassing but you don't need to feel uncomfortable, they've seen a lot of cases and they will probably know how to help. Patient confidentiality is a must and doctors aren't supposed to go out and reveal things about their patients. Unfortunately, here in my country medical care is less than optimal, hehe.

Your concerns are pretty normal so don't be worried about bothering anyone. I know that us autistics worry about that a lot. Good luck.

[Heather]

What great additions, Kach! Thanks!