this is my first time posting on the user and staff board because i need as much advice as i can get.
i'm depressed. i see a therapist, but lately it feels like things aren't helping me anymore. i don't know what to do. i'm sad and i can feel myself falling back into my old habits again. my ex and i broke up a year ago, this month. it hurt me so bad and i'm still not over it. we dated for three years and he was my first for everything. i still love him even though he's moved on, he's been dating a new girl for a year now.
i recently found out he's getting shipped out (he's in the navy) in a month and it just hurts so bad. i don't know why i'm still feeling this way about him. i don't know why i miss him, why i love him, why i can't get over it as easily as he did. he doesn't talk to me anymore (he texted me about two months ago) and i just don't feel the same about anything anymore. i don't want to be sad anymore.
please help me get over this. i really need advice.
i need help
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Mo
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 2287
- Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him, they/them
- Sexual identity: queer/bisexual
Re: i need help
I'm sorry things are feeling so rough for you right now, avaiara.
Because you have a therapist you're seeing, I think that's a good place to start. It sounds like whatever strategies you've been working on together aren't helping; how do you feel about saying that at your next appointment? You could come in and say "I feel like I'm falling into old habits and I've been feeling worse lately; I'd like it if we could look at some different approaches to manage the feelings I'm struggling with." Is that something you feel like you could say to your therapist? If it helps to know this, it's really common for people to need to change tactics from time to time in therapy, and any good therapist should be open to this sort of feedback from a patient.
Because you have a therapist you're seeing, I think that's a good place to start. It sounds like whatever strategies you've been working on together aren't helping; how do you feel about saying that at your next appointment? You could come in and say "I feel like I'm falling into old habits and I've been feeling worse lately; I'd like it if we could look at some different approaches to manage the feelings I'm struggling with." Is that something you feel like you could say to your therapist? If it helps to know this, it's really common for people to need to change tactics from time to time in therapy, and any good therapist should be open to this sort of feedback from a patient.
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perplexedpeach
- not a newbie
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2019 3:51 am
- Age: 26
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: She/her
- Location: Australia
Re: i need help
Hey there,
I don't know how much I can say really, because I've never been in a relationship myself (not for lack of trying haha). But what I can say is that your feelings are never invalid, even if they're brought on or worsened by depression. I am on antidepressants currently and for the majority of the time that is enough to stop my symptoms - but I do have bad patches and I do remember what it's like (or was like for me at least). When I look back at situations where I have been feeling particularly depressed about something in particular, I might think that I was overreacting to the situation, but that doesn't change the fact that I was feeling the way that I was feeling, and it only ever made it worse to put myself down for feeling that way. You're allowed to overreact to things, to be sad about things, to feel ways other people don't feel, and from the sounds of things, you aren't overreacting at all - a person who was very important to you is no longer in your life and I can't imagine what that would be like. So it doesn't matter why you love him or feel the way you do, partially because those are feelings we can almost never explain, but also because it's what you are feeling regardless of why. I know none of that 'solves' your dilemma, but I'm hoping maybe it helps to get a little bit of perspective on it. It was certainly something I learnt over time and something I'm still working on... It's always hard to fully accept your feelings when you're feeling them.
I do have one thing to say that may help but I'm not sure. How do you feel about your relationship with your therapist? Have you been seeing them for a long time? Do you feel like they used to help? It sounds like they used to help so as Mo mentioned, be upfront and honest with them about the fact that you are feeling like nothing is helping. I always feel like I might offend them if I say they aren't helping, but any good therapist wants to help and wouldn't be offended by you asking if you could try new techniques. That being said, all therapists are different and sometimes it's just not a good match or maybe you've outgrown them. I don't want to suggest that you trash your current therapist without trying anything, but maybe in the back of your mind, just consider that in the long run if you've tried a few other things, it might be worth talking to a few other therapists to see whether that helps.
Good luck!
I don't know how much I can say really, because I've never been in a relationship myself (not for lack of trying haha). But what I can say is that your feelings are never invalid, even if they're brought on or worsened by depression. I am on antidepressants currently and for the majority of the time that is enough to stop my symptoms - but I do have bad patches and I do remember what it's like (or was like for me at least). When I look back at situations where I have been feeling particularly depressed about something in particular, I might think that I was overreacting to the situation, but that doesn't change the fact that I was feeling the way that I was feeling, and it only ever made it worse to put myself down for feeling that way. You're allowed to overreact to things, to be sad about things, to feel ways other people don't feel, and from the sounds of things, you aren't overreacting at all - a person who was very important to you is no longer in your life and I can't imagine what that would be like. So it doesn't matter why you love him or feel the way you do, partially because those are feelings we can almost never explain, but also because it's what you are feeling regardless of why. I know none of that 'solves' your dilemma, but I'm hoping maybe it helps to get a little bit of perspective on it. It was certainly something I learnt over time and something I'm still working on... It's always hard to fully accept your feelings when you're feeling them.
I do have one thing to say that may help but I'm not sure. How do you feel about your relationship with your therapist? Have you been seeing them for a long time? Do you feel like they used to help? It sounds like they used to help so as Mo mentioned, be upfront and honest with them about the fact that you are feeling like nothing is helping. I always feel like I might offend them if I say they aren't helping, but any good therapist wants to help and wouldn't be offended by you asking if you could try new techniques. That being said, all therapists are different and sometimes it's just not a good match or maybe you've outgrown them. I don't want to suggest that you trash your current therapist without trying anything, but maybe in the back of your mind, just consider that in the long run if you've tried a few other things, it might be worth talking to a few other therapists to see whether that helps.
Good luck!
Totally inexperienced in practice, very experienced in my mind 