Self-care: Learning about it and Bad choices

[coolcats222]

I have come to realize that I am terrible at self-care. I am not good at id-ing my needs and wants - I always doubt it and or give myself second best option and tell myself to "deal with it"

I also realize or getting better at id-ing people who don't meet my needs or tend to make me feel put-down/guilty/bad when I'm in a weak moment.


Case in point: I made some decisions based on money and not what is best for my mental/emotional health. Instead of taking a weekend to move, I decided to move in bits and piecs. I don't have a couch anymore at my home - and many stuff is gone in my closet. That creates some stress.

I did it to save money when in reality money isn't the only criteria for self-care or it meant putting myself through bad situations (no offense to those people who are struggling and don't have that choice). I made some poor choices b.c I didn't know how to take care of myself, my needs, reach out to others, or even give myself another used-care when I wrecked the old one.

1) not enjoying my apartment instead driving 10 hours /week every few weeks to a place that was "home" but not nurturing or loving for me.
2) not understanding that i will need to buy a car and instead being a "begger" asking for others or making do or skipping gym since I didn't like taking bus or other options
3) Surrounding myself with again other fine human beings , but who again weren't understnading or truly helpful or supportive or interested in me.
4) I have another exam this week, I'm trying to study for it , not beat myself over the bush on my past mistakes.


I feel that part of self-care is that inner voice that says "it's ok, i am ok, it will be ok"

[Heather]

I think it's great you're able to identify all of this so clearly, and so early in your life, too, when you have so much time still to turn things around and get better at caring for yourself! (It's been a looooooooong journey with this stuff for me all my life, I can very much relate!)

How can we best help support you in this?

[coolcats222]

*not just directed to Heather, directed to all awesome volunteers and people*

Hi Heather,
I know you are out for this month (hooray for time to focus on important things without distraction!) and its' been a long time. I appreciate that you all can be here as a warm fuzzy corner of the www0world.

I have thinking about what you said that it's great that I have ID-ed this clearly and so early. I am "sad"(?) to admit that I am in my early 30s but going to school full-time , I have the same lifestyle in some ways of a "younger"(?) person.

I put (?) because sad and younger are just context. It's important to define our selves in terms of growth. In that way, I really hold Heather as a model becuase she isn't tied to this idea of perfection of knowledge by age X and then "downhill' from there.

I wish that these life lessons didn't take so long or so difficult to learn.

I remember coming on this site nearly 10 years ago (at 22!) and back then without the #metoo movement, Heather identified the source of my confusion as sexual assualt. I remember that 5 years ago, when another instance happened and I wondered, I thought of coming here to ask but then I didn't , thinking I wasn't a teen anymore. I wonder if I had asked here first, maybe I would have saved myself from the all the emotional and verbal abuse with another person.

[Mo]

It's great when people at any age can find helpful advice or information here, and I'm glad this feels like a warm and fuzzy space! That's certainly the sort of vibe we like to cultivate.