Afraid to ask

[tworubberducks]

Hello, i know you probably get something like this all the time, but i would really enjoy some insight.

I'm a 15 year old female and am really aching for a vibrator. I feel very comfortable in my sexual identity, but my hands just arent cutting it anymore! I've taken the time to explore what excites me and all that jazz, but I think I could really benefit from a vibrator.

The issue is asking for one. I'm very close and open with my mother (father isn't really in the picture), and I feel like asking for one could go one of two ways.

1. She finds it awkward (understandable!) But nonetheless agrees to it and finds a suitible one for me and delivers it discreetly

2. She gets furious and upset and we both dont really recover from it

I could really use some guidance with this. Im currently compiling my christmas list and am thinking about adding something like "back massager" on it, but in worried that she'll interrogate me about it.

Any advice is welcome!

[Amanda F]

Hi tworubberducks, welcome to the Scarleteen boards! We're glad you're here

It's awesome that you're feeling comfortable in your sexuality and are identifying new things you want to explore, like using a vibrator. I see how this could be a tricky thing to bring up to your mother, not knowing how she would react. It's promising that you two are already close and open with each other, though. And most parents want their kids to be happy and healthy, so hopefully your mom could see this as an opportunity to support you in that way.

There is a great guide here (About That "Talk" With Your Parents) about how to talk to your parents about sex, which also applies to masturbation. Check it out for some suggestions about how to bring this up. You could be very direct about it ("Hey Mom, I was wondering if you could help me buy a vibrator. It's something I'm interested in trying out."). Or you could be more indirect/creative - you could mention something you saw on TV or in a movie, or in an ad, etc. 

If you did talk to her and she it didn't go well, or if you decide you don't want to bring it up with her, you could also try a DIY sex toy. Here's some info on DIY sex toys: D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition

Have you tried talking to her about sex or sexuality before? If so, how did that go?

[tworubberducks]

Well, in all honesty I have not brought it up with her before, it seemed like something to hide and be secret about (but it really isn't!).
To give a little back ground without too much detail, I had a relatively long term relationship with another girl who ended up not treating me (or others) the best, and suffice it to say it was relatively sexual. My mom naturally found out about this, and was not very happy (which i can understand!). This is kind of a factor in me not bringing it up beforehand, I'm not even sure how to broach the topic!
I know for me I'd be comfortable talking about it, but I'm worried my mom won't feel the same way about it.

[Sam W]

Hi tworubberducks,

That background is helpful, thank you! I can see why that situation with the girl you were dating would make you jumpy about bringing this up with your mom. Have you ever gotten a sense from her about how comfortable she is talking about sex-related things with you? For instance, if you've had questions about sex or your body in the past, has she been comfortable answering them? Or do you get the sense she'd rather do literally anything else than talk with you about those topics?

[tworubberducks]

In all honesty im not too sure! I have a feeling that it may be a bit uncomfortable for her, but I think she understands that I am my own person and can't fully find my identity if i don't have those awkward conversations about sex and bodies and whatnot

[Sam W]

Okay! If you're leaning towards asking her about it, would it help to maybe plan out what you're going to say, and maybe think about some possible reactions she could have and how you'd respond to them? That way, if you decide to have this conversation, you can go into it feeling pretty prepared.

[tworubberducks]

That seems like the best plan of action to me! I think im gonna give it about two weeks to alot for anything big to happen (don't think it will, but you never know), and to give myself time to plan out what im going to say and prepare myself for any reaction I may get. Thank you for your support and guidance!

[Sam W]

Sounds like a great plan! And you're very welcome