Masturbation

[lovelylavender]

Hello, I am a 14 years old and I'm honestly scared to masturbate. It's something I want to do and I get the need to do it often, however, when I try I always get scared. I will get to a point and then I will feel something and I stop. I just stop all together and I give up. There is just something that scares me about it and I don't know what to do to get over my fear.

[Alice M]

Hello and welcome to Scarleteen!

Can you elaborate more on what scares you? I understand that you may not actually know specifically, but I'm wondering if you started talking about it more, we could identify something in there.

Beyond that, have you seen our articles about masturbation? I think these could be useful for you, and could give you some clues about which part(s) you're feeling fear around:

Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

Is Masturbation Okay? (Yep.)

[lovelylavender]

I think on what scares me is somewhere deep down I'm afraid it will hurt, though I know if done properly it won't hurt I'm scared I won't do it properly. I also think just the feelings feels weird to me and it's a foreign feeling that makes me. It's a unknown feeling and it isn't something I'm used to so I get scared about going in deeper. I read the articles and they were a bit helpful. There are other ways I've tried to pleasure myself but they tend not to work for me. I've tried stimulating myself and even thigh rubbing/humping and I've never been satisfied by it. That's why I want to try this way of masturbation, I'm not sure what else could really work for me.

[Sam W]

Thank you for that extra detail, that's really helpful!

It's understandable that when you're engaging with a part of your body that's extra-sensitive that you'd worry about it hurting. And it's also totally okay if you need to ease yourself into it, or take a break from trying to masturbate for awhile. It may help to think of it less in terms of masturbating "properly" and more in terms of listening to your body. Usually, our bodies give us little twinges or "ouch" moments as a warning if we're doing something painful (that's setting aside way bigger "ows" that happen suddenly, like dropping a book on your foot). So if you're paying attention to the signals you're body is giving you, you'll be able to stop before it really hurts. Plus, there are things you can do to lessen the chances of pain, like using lots of lube and making sure you're fingernails aren't too long.

If it feels weird going deeper, then it's okay not to go deeper. There actually isn't much back there in terms of sensory nerve endings, so there's very little pleasure to be gained by going deeper, especially if the sensation already makes you uncomfortable.

[lovelylavender]

Thank you so much for the information and advice. I will definitely have to try and listen more to my body and see what it's reactions are instead of just going based off what I think might be right or just worrying. This was very helpful

[Mo]

There's definitely no one "right" way to masturbate, so if you can drop that idea I do think you'll be better off! It may take some time to find what feels good and comfortable to you; that's not unusual for some people. But there isn't a wrong way to masturbate, if that way is enjoyable for you.