Puberty Worries

[Cliffe]

Hello,

I’m 13, I have all the regular signs of Puberty besides the fact that my penis hasn’t grown yet, is this an issue, should I be worried or do I have to just wait it out?

Please let me know.

[Jacob]

Hi Cliffe!

Penis size tends to change during puberty, so you're right to expect this is probably something that will change too. You'll likely see the different signs of puberty happen over the next few years, not all at once.

Separate to this, penis size is also not something to super-worry about anyway. A lot of emphasis (especially in certain sexual media) goes on that one body part being the only source of all your sexual confidence whereas actually, that comes from other things, like being able to talk about sexual things, being able to enjoy being a sexual person, being confident about our communication.

All that stuff!

[Cliffe]

It happens to everyone else but me and I heard it is supposed to be one of the first thing that happens?

[Jacob]

That's the thing about 'supposed to be'... you'd be surprised at how different everyone's experiences are, changes happen at different times for different people.

[Heather]

Just FYI, it's also not true that penis growth is one of the first things that happens. It's not only something that happens throughout puberty -- which has usually barely begun for cisgender guys at 13 -- it also doesn't usually happen first for people. *Testicular* growth more often happens or start happening first, and same goes for whole body growth spurts. Penis growth is also usually more gradual than sudden. People also don't all grow at the same rates.

Here's more on puberty for you if you're interested: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... darn_close

[Cliffe]

So it is not something to worry about if it is very small and can’t retract I just got to wait it out?

[Siân]

Exactly! Do you want to talk a bit about why this is worrying you?

[Cliffe]

It worries me because all of my friends have like large penises besides me but I am getting all the other parts of Puberty (they all kind of happened around the same time) besides the Penis Growth.

[Siân]

Okay, where there are two things to consider here. The first is that puberty happens differently for everyone, and that penis growth doesn't happen all at once but continues for years - even into your early 20s for some people. The second, and actually more important one, is that penises come in all shapes and sizes and it's not like some are just better than others! There is a misconception that having a large penis is somehow important, particularly for things like intercourse but in reality most people find other factors waaaay more important for a pleasurable partnered sex.

Take a read of this: Shown Actual Size: A Penis Shape & Size Lowdown, especially the "Who does size really matter to most?" section. What do you think?

[Cliffe]

Not really

[Sam W]

Hi Cliffe,

Can you clarify for me what that "not really" was in response to?

[Cliffe]

The article above doesn’t really help, should I seek help or just wait because I don’t believe it’s normal for it to be that small, as it is embarrassing for me to get changed for gym class when everyone else is large and I’m just not.

[al]

Hi Cliffe,

What Heather and Sian are trying to say that even if you feel like you're "behind" other people your age, where you're at right now may be "normal" for you. Each person's "normal" is different, and even if it seems like it, people don't grow/develop at the same rate as everyone else. In fact, even if you sought help about this, any healthcare provider that you see will likely say the same thing - that development and puberty take time, and don't arrive like clockwork once you hit a certain age.
I can understand why it might make you feel nervous or self-conscious if it feels like everyone else is further along, though. Has anyone ever directly commented on it or made you feel like you weren't normal, or was it more of a subconscious feeling? Do people your age talk about it as something that should have happened by this point?

[Cliffe]

Yes, everyone in my school is talking about how they have a big penis and all of that stuff but it is more of a worry that people would see me as weird or that I don’t look my age. It is also expected that it should have already happened which makes me worried and angry about my body and why everyone else is becoming a teenager and I’m just stuck here.

[Cliffe]

It makes me feel not human and that my body is weird which makes me angry at myself for not catching up to everyone else.

[Heather]

I'm so sorry to hear you feel that way. That's a terrible way to feel.

I'd like to tell you a couple things:

1) It's very common for people to posture and say something about their bodies or other parts of themselves that they believe is how something should be, or that they feel protects them in some way. Unfortunately, in our culture, men have made having a big penis the "right" thing (even though the average size penis, the kinds of penises most men have, are considerably smaller than the size many men over so many years has said is ideal!). What people are saying is often not going to be true in this regard: most of the people your age saying that most likely have penises that look however yours does. This reality you're upset about is not likely true: it's probably false. In fast, the more loud people tend to be about things like that, the more likely it is they're usually not telling the truth.

2) It's not common for 13 year olds to have "big" penises. And not just because it's not what's most common for fully grown people to have, either. At 13, most people with penises are just starting puberty, so their penises will most commonly be smaller than the average adult penis size, not larger.

3) A lot of us have bodies or parts that don't look or function like other people's for a host of reasons, including that a lot of us have disabilities. This isn't the case with your penis, but I'm saying this because having body parts or bodies that actually ARE different from other people's bodies doesn't make any of us that is true for not human, but the world can sure treat us that way sometimes. It also doesn't make us weird. Someday, if you don't already now, you might be someone with disability or encounter others who do. I hope if and when that's the case, you'll recognize that none of this makes any of us not human or less than human. <3

[Cliffe]

So I just need to wait and I will eventually catch up?

[Mo]

Waiting really is all you can do at this point, yes. We can't predict what your penis size will eventually be; that's not something anyone can predict when a person is at the beginning of puberty, but it's likely that your size will change as puberty progresses.

[Cliffe]

Thank you guys for answering my questions this has been a huge help to understand why I am the way I am and that it is totally normal. Thank you very much.

[Mo]

You're welcome! I'm so glad we could help.

[Cliffe]

Still got some worries but it has helped a lot.

[Mo]

If you'd like to talk more about any of your other worries, we're happy to listen. I'm glad things are feeling a bit better over all, though.