I’m infatuated with an old friend

[Galliumsteel]

So, basically, I had this friend I had known for years but after we went to high school communicating became difficult but we managed, we talked almost every day and I grew a sort of accustomed to them, after many months of talking repeatedly, she asked me out, I agreed, later she became my confidant, significant other and a huge part of my life, this relationship lasted 11 months, those 11 months were the most amazing times of my life, we did so many memorial, stupid things together that no matter how much I try, I’ll never forget.

She broke up with me as it ‘wasn’t working out’, beforehand she ghosted my messages so because of that I was agitated as she ignored me countlessly and the first thing I see from her in weeks is a text message on how she doesn’t want this relationship to continue, I responded with how I wish to never speak to her again, I ultimately regret this and I feel so infatuated with them now, I long for them to come back to me and just even view me as an friend. I made numerous attempts to get in contact with them and all failed, I was blocked almost immediately with no avail, got friends to message, still no progress, but one of those many times, she did reply and explained how she felt uncomfortable talking to me now and couldn’t see us becoming friends or anything more than that again, all through that I probably sounded needy as hell but I was desperate. It’s been 3 months and I am not recovering. What should I do? I feel hopeless.

[Sam W]

Hi Galliumsteel,

It can be so hard to move through a break-up, especially when you felt a bit blindsided by it. If you haven't already seen it, this article has a ton of advice on how to deal with a break-up: Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking.

One big first step is to work on the accepting the boundary she gave you, even though it's not the outcome you were hoping for. She isn't comfortable with you contacting her (it may help to know for the future that having other people contact someone on your behalf once they've blocked you is going to damage any remaining comfort with you), so simply practicing accepting that fact can be helpful.

Another thing to try is to direct the energy you were putting into the relationship with her towards relationships with other people, like family and friends (or even yourself). Can you think of what some of those relationships might be?