First of all, I would like to say how happy I am to have found this website ! And I would like to thank people who have created it. It is not alaways easy to talk about sexuality especially when you haven't friends or family with whom it's possible to tackle these issues. Online solidarity is really salutary !
To briefly introduce myself, I'm French and Italian, so I'm sorry if my English isn't that good by the way !
![Embarrassed :oops:](./images/smilies/icon_redface.gif)
I'm 26 years old, I suffered a long time from depression but it's now over. Because of this problem, I was rather isolated and had very few social relationships, except some friends at university. ( And I'll soon sit an exam to become French teacher.)
Unfortunately, I have a lot of troubles with my anatomy. The problem I face is regarding my vaginal opening.
I've never had sexual intercourse (no penetration) and I've never used tampons. I went to the gynaecologist once when I was a teenager, but It was a very negative experience for me because the doctor wanted to examine me with a big speculum (even without asking me first if I was ok), when I see her with this instrument I was afraid by that, and as I refused to go through this examination she got angry and it finished like this. At the end, she just coldly told me that everything seemed to be ok. But this experience was rather "traumatic" as I went there alone, and the doctor was not really kindly. As a consequence, as I was not having a sexually active life, I decided not to go again to the gynaecologist.
But things are now slowly changing as I have a boyfriend who I love so much. I begin thinking about having sexual intercourse but I just don't know and don't understant my anatomy : to put it in a nutshell, I don't know if my hymen opening is normal or not.
I've read a lot of literature about the subject (very reliable sources, essentielly scientific ones) and I've looked several diagrams displaying hymens of different shapes (crescentic, annular, microperforate, and so on...) but despite the variety of their shapes, they are always situated in the middle or center of the membrane. To better know my body, I've examined my own vulva using a mirror and light, I've opened the labia minora (and I did such examination several times) but what I find is always a small opening at the very bottom of the vulva and nothing below (while the hymen ring is supposed to be present at that place). Furthermore, I find my hymen (or vaginal) opening very small, its diameter is less than 1 cm (I'd say 0,5 cm or let's say like a pencil eraser) and when I look at that, I wonder how a penis could enter ; even entering a pinky worries me.
I can precise that I've already had some foreplays (kissing of breast and once a very soft dry humping with our street clothes on). I've felt aroused several times, and I've even experienced kinds of orgasm by breast kissing. I think I'm quite sentitive as simply thinkink of my beloved can make me aroused sometimes.
So I'm quite sure I'm "normal" if I can say so. But I'm afraid to go further because of my ignorance.
So here are my questions :
- is my hymen opening normal ? Not to small ?
- Do I have a Hymen as there is nothing below the opening, just the begining of the fourchette ?
- Have my hymen been torn ? (despite the presence of a very small opening)
Sorry for this very long post, and thank you for helping me.