..............Is anyone there?
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wolfcub
- not a newbie
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2020 12:26 pm
- Age: 25
- Awesomeness Quotient: I generally don't care about what the world says
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him/his
- Sexual identity: heterosexual
- Location: Allendale, MI
..............Is anyone there?
I've never had any dating experience and I'm trying to change that. I try to go out regularly but end up finding no one that I really click with. I've signed up for two dating sites and tried to start a conversation with multiple people. It's been two months now and I have gotten no responses from anyone. No likes, no messages, NOTHING. Like I don't even exist. I know this is a site for talking abut sex and STDs and stuff like that but I feel like I don't even have to worry about any of that because I'll never even get past that ONE FIRST HURTLE!!! Even if the date went bad, I would be ok because at least I would have gotten some experience but its like life isn't even going to give me ONE CHANCE. I'm frustrated, I'm stuck and I don't know what to do because at this point I may as well not even be trying. Is it because I don't how how to make a good impression or seem attractive? Am I just being too impatient? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AND HOW DO I FIX IT?!!
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Gone.Sorry.
- not a newbie
- Posts: 150
- Joined: Mon Nov 04, 2019 10:10 pm
- Pronouns: required field
- Location: required field
Re: ..............Is anyone there?
Hi, there wolfcub! You've created a lot of threads recently. What do you think about the responses you got in those threads? Were they helpful? Did they feel doable? Have you tried putting any of them into practice?
It's hard to offer advice on why you might not be getting responses without knowing what it is you're actually doing, but the advice columnist Captain Awkward has a fantastic piece on how being specific and honest in your profile helps show your personality and attract the kind of people you're looking for. It can be found here. (Also, having a low quality picture can hurt you as well. Making a specific effort to go out and take some really nice pictures of yourself - if you've got a friend who can help you and give you a second opinion, that could be worth the time!)
But also. There is a lot of radio silence on dating apps. A lot of people are making snap judgements on if they really want to try going out with someone. And a lot of people who are getting a lot of attention tend to be conventionally attractive women who are mostly receiving a lot of harassment. Most people find online dating frustrating! Many people take breaks from it! That's just kind of the nature of the monster of online dating, unfortunately.
When you go out, what are you doing? If you're just going out and doing any little thing you see, it might not be any wonder you aren't really connecting with people. Are you doing things you have a genuine interest in? How about things you're passionate about? If you get out and participate in activities you're truly interested in, then you'll be more likely to a) be enjoying yourself, and b) have an immediate thing that you and the other people are interested in and that you can have a jumping off point to talk about.
I think keeping in mind how well and how quick you usually connect with people is important. If you normally have to hang out with people a few times before clicking with them, then keep that in mind when you go out. Just because you go out looking for someone you click with more quickly doesn't mean that's likely to happen.
For example, I don't click with very many people at all - and I also don't click very fast at all. There has been like one or two people total where I met and just got along with them super well and knew we were friends. For most other people, for various reasons, we ended up hanging out many, many, many times before there was a moment of connection between us and I realized I was closing myself off to any sort of relationship with them. Keeping that in mind, I would be more open about "clicking" with people when going out. I would try to be open-minded about giving out my number or a social media contact and giving people more than one chance to see if I might form more of a connection with them after getting to know them a little better.
Finally, if you're having trouble making connections on your own, do you have any friends you could ask to see if they could set you up on any blind dates? How about any speed dating events near you - have you tried those? Doing some experimentation with different methods of meeting people could be worth it to figure out which ways you really prefer that you'll be more likely to enjoy than get burned out on.
It's hard to offer advice on why you might not be getting responses without knowing what it is you're actually doing, but the advice columnist Captain Awkward has a fantastic piece on how being specific and honest in your profile helps show your personality and attract the kind of people you're looking for. It can be found here. (Also, having a low quality picture can hurt you as well. Making a specific effort to go out and take some really nice pictures of yourself - if you've got a friend who can help you and give you a second opinion, that could be worth the time!)
But also. There is a lot of radio silence on dating apps. A lot of people are making snap judgements on if they really want to try going out with someone. And a lot of people who are getting a lot of attention tend to be conventionally attractive women who are mostly receiving a lot of harassment. Most people find online dating frustrating! Many people take breaks from it! That's just kind of the nature of the monster of online dating, unfortunately.
When you go out, what are you doing? If you're just going out and doing any little thing you see, it might not be any wonder you aren't really connecting with people. Are you doing things you have a genuine interest in? How about things you're passionate about? If you get out and participate in activities you're truly interested in, then you'll be more likely to a) be enjoying yourself, and b) have an immediate thing that you and the other people are interested in and that you can have a jumping off point to talk about.
I think keeping in mind how well and how quick you usually connect with people is important. If you normally have to hang out with people a few times before clicking with them, then keep that in mind when you go out. Just because you go out looking for someone you click with more quickly doesn't mean that's likely to happen.
For example, I don't click with very many people at all - and I also don't click very fast at all. There has been like one or two people total where I met and just got along with them super well and knew we were friends. For most other people, for various reasons, we ended up hanging out many, many, many times before there was a moment of connection between us and I realized I was closing myself off to any sort of relationship with them. Keeping that in mind, I would be more open about "clicking" with people when going out. I would try to be open-minded about giving out my number or a social media contact and giving people more than one chance to see if I might form more of a connection with them after getting to know them a little better.
Finally, if you're having trouble making connections on your own, do you have any friends you could ask to see if they could set you up on any blind dates? How about any speed dating events near you - have you tried those? Doing some experimentation with different methods of meeting people could be worth it to figure out which ways you really prefer that you'll be more likely to enjoy than get burned out on.
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Amanda F
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 259
- Joined: Mon Jun 24, 2019 10:16 pm
- Age: 35
- Awesomeness Quotient: I love to go rock climbing outside!
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: Queer
- Location: Los Angeles, USA
Re: ..............Is anyone there?
Hi Wolfcub,
You've started multiple threads about the same topic, which makes it a little hard for us to have one good conversation with you about this. I'm going to lock this thread and ask that you continue talking to us in the "Struggling with Dating Apps" thread going forward. I think that will be more productive and will also let other visitors who may have the same question see our conversation in one place. See you over there!
(And thanks horriblegoose for your wonderful response!)
You've started multiple threads about the same topic, which makes it a little hard for us to have one good conversation with you about this. I'm going to lock this thread and ask that you continue talking to us in the "Struggling with Dating Apps" thread going forward. I think that will be more productive and will also let other visitors who may have the same question see our conversation in one place. See you over there!
(And thanks horriblegoose for your wonderful response!)