I'm still having nightmares about it.
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This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
This area of the boards is expressly for support and help for those who are currently in or have survived abuse or assault. It is also for those seeking information or discussion about abuse or assault. Please make every effort in this space to be supportive and sensitive. Posts in this area may or do describe abuse or assault explicitly.
This area of the boards is also not an area where those who are themselves abusing anyone or who have abused or assaulted someone may post about doing that or seek support. We are not qualified to provide that kind of help, and that also would make a space like this feel profoundly unsafe for those who are being or who have been abused. If you have both been abused and are abusing, we can only discuss harm done to you: we cannot discuss you yourself doing harm to others. If you are someone engaging in abuse who would like help, you can start by seeking out a mental healthcare provider.
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KittyPink
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I'm still having nightmares about it.
So a prospective boyfriend of mine had taken advantage of me when I wasn't exactly all there and I couldn't consent properly to sex when I had told him previously that I just wanted to cuddle and make out. He eventually brought me up to his bedroom and striped me down which I was okay with, but he started doing shit to me and that's when I froze up and couldn't tell him no even if I was able to. But so he took advantage of me when I was in a compromised position and then I found out later that he also is my friend's abuser, soooo... I honestly wanna puke still to be honest, like oh my god, I never would of thought this would happen, but I'm blaming myself for letting my guard down that far.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship
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Amanda F
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Re: I'm still having nightmares about it.
Hi KittyPink,
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hear you saying you are blaming yourself, but I want you to know that this was NOT your fault. Abuse is never the fault of victims and survivors. This person should have respected you when you said that you only wanted to cuddle and make out.
It's actually a very common response to freeze up in scary or threatening situations. You're describing something that MANY other people who were sexually abused also experience. Again - not your fault.
You may find Blinders Off: Getting A Good Look At Abuse and Assault to be a useful read - it talks about different kinds of abuse and assault, and all the reasons it wasn't your fault.
Can I ask when this happened? Have you talked to anyone about it, or maybe visited a therapist who can help you process and heal from this experience?
For our part, how can we best support you?
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hear you saying you are blaming yourself, but I want you to know that this was NOT your fault. Abuse is never the fault of victims and survivors. This person should have respected you when you said that you only wanted to cuddle and make out.
It's actually a very common response to freeze up in scary or threatening situations. You're describing something that MANY other people who were sexually abused also experience. Again - not your fault.
You may find Blinders Off: Getting A Good Look At Abuse and Assault to be a useful read - it talks about different kinds of abuse and assault, and all the reasons it wasn't your fault.
Can I ask when this happened? Have you talked to anyone about it, or maybe visited a therapist who can help you process and heal from this experience?
For our part, how can we best support you?
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KittyPink
- not a newbie
- Posts: 378
- Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
- Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
- Location: Parma,Ohio
Re: I'm still having nightmares about it.
I'm gonna visit my therapist, as far as the support, I dunno honestly.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
***Transfeminine***
LIVE AND LEARN
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0PT1M15T1C
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Re: I'm still having nightmares about it.
Firstly, I really want to say I'm sorry that happened to you and add, again that it wasn't your fault. You also deserve support around this.
It's great you're going to connect with your therapist, it can be really great to have that space with a professional who can help you. I wonder, I know you mentioned that he was also your friends abuser, is this friend someone you possibly feel comfortable to talk to? Or are there other friends or family in your life that you are able to trust and open up to about this happening? I've found having friends around that know, believe and support you as you're working through the process of recovery makes a world of a difference.
As far as it goes here, I know sometimes it's nice to just have a place to be able to talk about what's happened and get it off your chest.
It's great you're going to connect with your therapist, it can be really great to have that space with a professional who can help you. I wonder, I know you mentioned that he was also your friends abuser, is this friend someone you possibly feel comfortable to talk to? Or are there other friends or family in your life that you are able to trust and open up to about this happening? I've found having friends around that know, believe and support you as you're working through the process of recovery makes a world of a difference.
As far as it goes here, I know sometimes it's nice to just have a place to be able to talk about what's happened and get it off your chest.
You have the power to say "This is not how my story will end".
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
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Re: I'm still having nightmares about it.
Just a reminder that it is probably best NOT to visit a therapist in person right now: can you call them and see if they can work with you via phone or video right now? Most therapists who did not offer these services already are quickly adapting during the outbreak. <3
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead