Sexual harassment, victim blaming, and other bullshit.

[wilsonphillips]

So I know it says in the terms thing that you can't talk about rape but this has been on my mind for a while. Simply put, my school has a huge sexual harassment problem. I'm 13 in middle school, and things are hell. Last week, this guy pushed me against a locker, held me down, (I weigh 160 pounds, he's at 210. I couldn't have gotten out.) and he ran his hands across my boobs in front of everyone and they were laughing and stuff. Another boy told a sixth grader in her first week to suck his dick. I'm being catcalled and objectified constantly, and sometimes I just think I can't deal. I keep thinking that if I just wore longer skirts and looser jeans then they wouldnt talk to me but they still do. I reported the first incident to the principal and I don't think anything happened to the guy. Help, maybe? Sorry for wasting your time.

[wilsonphillips]

Um, spammers gtfo of my thread.

[Johanna]

Welcome to Scarleteen, wilsonphilips!

It is absolutely okay to talk about sexual assault and rape on here - providing support for survivors and helping them find resources is part of what we do here. So no, you are not wasting our time at all, and you have come to the right place.

I am sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you at school. Those sounds like some terrible experience, and as you already know, that sort of behavior is NOT okay. It sucks that it does not seem like the adminsitration has taken any action. Physical assault and sexual harrassment definitely warrant intervention from administration, so if they have not done so, that means they are not doing their job properly. Are there any teachers at your school that you trust and that you would feel comfortable approaching about this? Also, have you been able to able to talk to your parents and get their support on this?

[wilsonphillips]

Well, I have one I could talk to, but I don't know if there's a point. Every teacher was contacted to start patrolling the hallways, but nobody actually does it. I think the higher-ups have given up on me, honestly. In sixth grade, I got death threats on my now-defunct blog. He lawyered himself out of it, so they couldn't do anything. And last April, the same guy stood up on the bus and called me a bitch, a slut, and a cunt. I switched buses. It turns out he has henchman.

Yeah, I talked to my parents. They were the ones who contacted the principal.

[Sam W]

Hi Wilsonphillips,

Argh, that sounds terrible, and I am sorry you've been having to deal with the one-two punch of this person and apathetic authorities. I think a sound next step is to get in touch with these folks:
http://www.nwcasa.org/

They will have a sense of what your options are, and may be able to put you in touch with people who can help you out.

I would talk to the teacher you feel you can trust. The more people you have as advocates and allies in this situation, the easier it will be to tackle over all.

[wilsonphillips]

*deep breath* Okay. Thanks for the link.

[Heather]

That organization, btw, does do prevention outreach with schools, so chances are good they will already have a contact with yours. So, what you want to do is just talk to them yourself or with your parents and ask what they can offer you in terms of help with advocacy. Chances are awfully good they will be glad to help and may be quite effectuve at it. They also can likely offer you, personally, some extra support if you need it.

Also, I am so glad, always, to hear anyone know and clearly express that any of this is unacceptable. I know that does not make dealing with it any easier for you in practical ways, but it does give you a positiin of strength here, and it also makes it way more likely you can bounce back from this - bullshit, indeed - without too great a negatuve impact on you as a person.

[wilsonphillips]

I've always thought of it as prep for high school. I mean, I'm so excited. We'll be graduating from everyday, constant objectification and bullying to the ultimate act of sexism: legitimate rape!

Snark aside, you guys are pretty freaking cool. One more question? Is it something I did that brought this all down on me? I feel like if I just....I don't know, it would stop.

[Mo]

It's definitely not something you've done. Sexual harassment, like sexual assault, is 100% the fault of the person choosing to harass someone else. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this, but know that it's not something you brought on yourself.

[wilsonphillips]

Okay, so I drew on my communication strength and wrote this email:

To Whom It May Concern:

I am a thirteen year old female writing to you from Lake Zurich, Illinois to inquire about sexual assault prevention at the middle school level. Northwest CASA's education of high school students is admirable, and I believe a crisis intervention of sorts is needed at many middle school across Lake County.

Specifically, of course, I refer to my own school: Springfield Elementary where I am an eighth grader. Despite many attempts to be silent on the issue, sexual harassment (and borderline assault) run rampant in our halls. Many adolescent students I have contact with allege that they have been touched inappropriately by male-identified classmates, and I myself can vouch for many of their experiences. In one instance



This is trigger space for sexual assault, harassment, etc.



I was pinned against a locker by a boy who them proceeded to run for hands over my breasts and did not leave for about 5-10 seconds. Rumors have often been heard that another student rapes his girlfriends. Sixth graders in their first weeks have been told to "suck my dick" by older students and catcalls, and to put in frankly, it needs to stop.

End trigger.

Extrapolations on the nature of sexism in young teens leaves me to believe that we cannot possibly be the only middle school with this issue. As a feminist, I believe that students are at school to learn how to relate to peers, as well as in books.

The above combined with an apathetic administration makes me realize that both genders are being sent dysfunctional, misogynist messages about the nature of sexuality, consent, and respect.

I would like to propose a crisis intervention, akin to those being performed to colleges countrywide. I apologize for requesting such drastic measures, but it seems to be the only way we can unlearn the messages we have been force-fed.

I can be reached at fakeemail@fakebrowser.net or by phone at 555-555-555. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Lisa Simpson

[Heather]

I think if email is how you feel most comfortable connecting with them, this is great. No need to do more than ask for help, really, but I think it is great to be so clear in your ask! My hat's off to your communication skills.

If you are asking for input, again, this is fine if you feel good about it, but you do not likely need to worry about trigger warnings if you are wanting to save space, since when this kind of advocacy is your job, you are pretty much always prepared to be triggered, basically.

Again, I expect they will be responsive and likely be at the ready to help intervene here.

[wilsonphillips]

Yeah, you're right. It's instinct, you know? Thanks.

[Heather]

Sure thing. And by all means, feel free to let us know how this goes. in the event that resource and avenue doesn't result in...well, results, for you, we're happy to go another round to find you someone else to try with next.